CHERISH THAT…. WHICH IS YOU!!!!

SELF-RESPECT! A concept which I dealt with more than once in the last week that went past. Though nothing specifically related to me, I won’t be wrong if I call it a coincidence, like more than 3-4 individuals who I talked with, this was the main focus area of the interactions.

It was surprising to see that how much this very commonly used term was so easily misunderstood. Or maybe not understood in its totality. And it is this difference in understanding of it, that makes people handle it so differently. Some do it perfectly, some a bit right, and others do it somewhat wrong. What I found common is that a little bit of dilution in its understanding, and the complete meaning of self-respect changes.

I came across people for whom self-respect meant keeping themselves in high regard. These are the kinds who feel that thinking as themselves as always right or superior or right, IS ENOUGH. What others think or speak of them, does not matter. And whenever they are ridiculed or disrespected, they cover themselves with the blanket of self-respect and thus create an artificial shelter from any outside abuse. Though it definitely is good to create a safe zone for oneself, we must remember closing eyes does not mean that what was happening in front of us stopped. Likewise, this self-created shelter has not stopped them from being ridiculed or disrespected or abused. 

What it does instead is that all such unwarranted behaviour increases in strength because we chose to let it remain unaddressed. And eventually, with time, it grows so big that no matter how much we try to shelter ourselves; we fail because of what we allowed that wrong act to grow into. And eventually, when we are unable to shelter ourselves, the outside influence punctures our concept of self-respect and thus shattering our self-belief.

Then there are those other kinds of people for whom self-respect is all about ensuring that others see them an invincible. Which also means that if they can make themselves respected, they feel respectful of themselves too. This is actually the worst scenario because such people base their own self-concept on the foundation of what others think about them. Their only solace is the wishful thinking that, how others look at them is actually controlled by them. Though the reality, most of the times is totally different.

This kind of scenario is often unsustainable because of two reasons. One, because you cannot always keep on controlling what others see you as. It is too much of an ask from your own self to keep on doing for a lifetime. Second, for those who follow your created command for a while, will surely simultaneously be finding an escape route and will vanish at the first chance they get to be away from this forced appreciating business. And once either of this stop, such people find themselves staring at a self-image which is hollow and has to substance to it.

Self-respect in actual is about understanding your true self. It is about knowing and appreciating your strengths as well as acknowledging what still needs to be built or improved upon within you. And once this awareness and acceptance of oneself are achieved, it creates a dual result, which eventually converts into the true concept of self-respect. This duality lies one in, we not basing our own image upon what others think of us, and secondly not even trying to portray an image of us, which must be respectful in the eyes of others.

True self-respect originates from recognizing that we are ourself in the making. And this process will and shall continue till we last. What is important is to accept that while this process of creation and recreation goes on, we will at times find stuff which is perfectly made, and many a time will come across edges that are not well-formed.

I have had my good share of conversations about this in the last seven days, and it was heartening to see that having understood those, appropriate course correction was also done by a few beautiful souls. I wish and hope that we all learn to carry both respect and self-respect on our shoulders and make the best use of these two gems that adorn our personalities.

Love to all! Stay Safe!