OWN THE TRUE YOU….

This Sunday brunch comes out of the blue. No plans to begin writing again for the next two weeks, but then, when life throws things at you, you can either duck to let it pass, or catch them to have a rendezvous and see what made all that come to you. In my case, I almost always decide on the latter. And having done that for the last ten days or so, I thought it is now appropriate for me to not keep the experience to myself, and share it with the world out there, to extract whatever it wants from it.

I am well aware that I am getting into a bare-all mode here, but that is what I feel defines truly who I am. To put myself into a zone of vulnerability is what makes me feel I am living the right way. And so, not being afraid of judgements, not being sceptical of reactions, I am here sharing my most profound experience in recent days.

It all started when someone very-very close to me, found out that I was not sharing the complete truth about what I was doing. And how upon being sure, that I was not, he confronted me with what all he already knew about the various situations. Needless to say, that things did not turn up well, and it led to a good amount of unpleasantness. And that too at a level, where we walked out of each other, vowing never to meet again.

Anyways, my focus today through the piece of writing is not to talk about how the other person reacted, and what was right or wrong in his actions, etc. Instead, what I am trying to achieve here is to call out loud, what was my contribution to all that got messed up. My actual instant and the impulsive reaction was to bring to my mind, all the things that were done by the other person, that led to be untruthful and not share things as they were. I gave myself all the reasons and reminded myself of all the possible instances in the past when he was unable to accept and honour the truth about a situation when it was shared by me most honestly. That mode of thinking stayed in me for about a day, when I kept on looking at the things that were outside of me. Not that I was ever wanting to justify what I did, but what I realized was that my focus was still not completely on why ad what led me to become and behave in a manner, which was nowhere close to what I truly am. Or, What I honestly aspire to be. 

And I know that it was the divine interference that happened the next day, to make me realize what I was focusing on, and also tell me that it was nowhere in alignment with the purpose for which I live my life or the values that I believe drive who I am. AND BANG! There, in a flash of a second, as if my world turned upside down, and all my focus and thoughts, got concentrated on what was my contribution and who was I being in all this? 

What that did, was to evaporate any thought of finding any excuse, creating any reasons, looking for anyone’s actions that led me to not being truthful to someone. And all that remained was, what could I have done to be strong enough to behold honesty? What made me go weak in not telling the truth when I had no intention of cheating on that other person? What did I create in my reality, for thinking that my truth cannot be understood? What made me believe that I cannot put an effort into the truth to be accepted by everyone when there was nothing wrong involved in it? And what started with all these questions, ended with just one answer, that, ‘The ownership of what I was involved in, lies completely on me’. 

This one acknowledgement was enough for my core to accept that whatever comes now as a result of my action, I must accept in its totality, and in no way, I want to ever justify what I did. Detaching myself from whatever thoughts made me act in a way that was not me, I know that nothing ever can make me go the wrong way again, if I remain mindful of keeping the ownership of my actions and my talks, in its completeness.

This feeling of taking charge of one’s actions and decisions though brings a lot of responsibility on oneself, but is also immensely liberating. It did not only free me of finding reasons, that were outside of me, it also made me independent to choose what I want to be from hereon. For me, the choice was quite obvious, and that is to focus on how I never want to get into such a scenario again and to maintain that same love and gratitude towards that person who was at the receiving end of what was my weakness. As I take this opportunity to raise an apology to him through the universe, I am hoping that everyone who reads this, finds some time to experience, what takes place inside of you, when you take complete ownership of all the good and bad, right and wrong, that you ever were involved into.

On this note, I wish everyone a very Happy Sunday! Cherish your empowered selves, and make sure that you find time to connect with your loved ones.

Love to all! Stay Safe! Take care! TAKE CHARGE!!!