BE RESPONSIBLY RESPONSE-ABLE…

“We are made wise not by the recollection of our past, but by the responsibility for our future.” – George Bernard. Such profound meaning in what is said here. By default, responsibility must make us look forward. Though it was often mistaken as something which is past-focussed and is commonly attributed to owning what has already happened, to me,  the true sense of being responsible lies in having a vision for your future.

Many times, we deflect responsibility fearing that it will bring the blame to us for something that might not have happened right in the past. At times, we are unsure of what the results may be in future and thus we escape taking responsibility for doing something. And then there are times when things are not going as we expected them to be in our present, and that makes us step away from being counted as responsible for it in any way. What is common in all of the above is that somewhere we believe that things were, are or will not be in our control, so we deny ourselves taking responsibility for it.

The truth though is opposite to how we look at things here. We feel no control and thus we shed responsibility too. But the matter of fact is that it is only when we put ourselves in a position of being responsible, we can find ourselves at a place where we can better control the situations too. The least that is assured for us is that we will have complete control over how and what we present ourselves as, to whatever the situation is.

I was having an interaction with one of my clients last week, and during one of the sessions, he all of a sudden asked me if he could stop talking about what he took up as the agenda for that session, and discuss something else. For me as a coach, it is always about what and how the client wants things to go, and I did what was necessary to give things a steady pause, and then allow him the space to share what he wanted to.

The next twenty minutes that we spent together were so meaningful, and the way he went back after the completion of the session, reaffirmed my belief in the divinity of this whole coaching process. I could see that no matter what all he would have accomplished discussing everything else in his world with me, nothing would have made him feel whole unless what he talked about in those twenty minutes, was out of his mind.

There was a particular situation that he encountered, wherein his words he did not take responsibility for trying to make an impact. And because that situation did not settle most appropriately, the feeling of guilt of having not done anything about it was bothering him beyond what he ever imagined. Maintaining the ethics of my work, I cannot delve deeper into the details of the situation, but what I am sure about,  to share with my world is, that what understanding eventually was established that became the turning point for him.

Reflecting on the sequence of events, and connecting much beyond the outer layer of his perspective, he understood that having gained complete knowledge about the situation at hand, and having evaluated all the possible ways that he could respond to the situation, it was he who chose not to participate in it. It was his mindful decision to not be a part of the situation, for whatever justified reasons he had for himself. It was he who opted for keeping himself away from what was happening. IT WAS HE WHO WAS RESPONSIBLE FOR CHOOSING THAT HE WOULD NOT GET INVOLVED WITH THAT SITUATION. And there, with this last statement, he saw the transformation in thoughts that he was longing for. From assuming that just because he did not do anything about the situation, he did not take responsibility for it. His acceptance of the fact, that he took responsibility to not act, made him make peace with the whole thing.

The understanding that being responsible does not mean, participating in everything that comes our way. The choice that we make to not be a part of a situation, is also how we take charge, and be responsible in a different way towards that situation.

I hope that we all develop a deeper understanding of what being responsible is, and take ownership of what we decide to do or not do, in whatever we come across during the journey of our lives.

Have a relaxing Sunday, and stay cheerful!