Be in love with the secrets of life…

‘How to become friends with our confused state of mind? How to let go of the impatient need to always reach a state of clarity?’ These are the questions put up by a client friend of mine and requested me to share my thoughts in this week’s blog.

Well, I am surely going to share my experience and what I have learnt about this, but my answer to this starts with a question, and which is that ‘Why is it important to become friends with our confused state of mind? Or why is there a need to let go of the impatient need to always reach a state of clarity?’

And I ask these questions, because I have always believed that once the reason is known, it gets much easier to understand and process, whatever comes to our mind. The how is where the doing is connected to, but the why is what emerges from our being. And there is absolutely nothing in this world which cannot be embraced once its connection with our being is established clearly.

So while I leave this question open for this friend of mine, as well as everyone else who got interested in this question, I will move forward now to sharing my own insights and experience with the state of confusion and need of clarity.

Not very long back, if someone asked me to pick one shortcoming of mine, which disturbs me the most, I would have said that I am very bad with taking suspense in my life. Though I won’t call it confusion, but clarity is what I always sought in everything that ever came near to me. Just for an example, if someone would just text me saying that they wish to share something with me, and will do so later, it would irk me to unimaginable levels. All my time from that text message, till I got to know what it was all about would go with heavy breaths.

And it is when I decided to take this matter to be resolved and pick this part of my personality to undergo a transformation, I realized what all was behind it. Having got to know the reasons, I understood that it all got connected to my way of being, and once that was established it automatically led to shift in my being.

I recognized that my reason behind getting unsettled by such suspense was my anticipation of something being wrong somewhere. And because I never knew what it exactly was, it was not very difficult for my mind to assume the worst possible of what could happen and start creating thoughts about what all wrong can happen again. Yes, the word to be mindful of here is ‘again’.

Reflecting on my own life, and though today I am thankful of each and everything that I have come across in this life, I could see that all the bad chapters, or the tough times that I had been through, had left their impressions on me. And I could clearly connect that not even a single mishappening in my life came after knocking the door. Each time I had a difficulty starting at me, it all always sprung as a surprise. A surprise which always got converted into a shock and eventually shook a lot in my world, before it could finally settle.

‘Pleasant’ as a prefix to the word surprise ceased to exist for me. My subconscious mind allowed my being to get alert whenever there was an element of surprise staring at me. My being erected its defenses to keep itself safe and be prepared for whatever wrong may be in store with that surprise. Such was the impact of it that I have had sleepless nights over surprises, that eventually then turned out to be pleasant too. My strategy to avoid such times for myself, was an instant question to whoever was holding on to the surprise, ’Hoping that everything is, ok?’ And a ‘Yes’ to this could make me relax a little.

I realized that I was living in a cage, expecting a surprise to always bring something bad to me. Was this what I wanted for myself? The answer was as clear as it could get, a crystal-clear NO. And that led to this shift in my being. I allowed myself to not keep protecting myself from this. I gave myself the permission to be vulnerable. As this was the only way I could live the way I wanted. A life that embraces it all. A life that wishes to take all it can and give all it has.

For me it all got resolved, when I reflected upon my being and saw its non-alignment with my life’s purpose. And that same is what I feel is the process and means for anyone who wishes to find an answer to this question for themselves. Yes, there can be many ways in our doing which can help us on this path, and I am happy to coach anyone who wishes to untangle themselves from this space. But as I said at the very beginning, it all starts from our being, and to be able to access that core of ours is the first step and eventually will lead to all further that can be done to answer the question.

As a coach, I believe that each life is unique and thus there will be a unique answer to this question for each one of us. I shared my perspective, so that it leads to your own innermost self, and helps you to find out that which works best for you.

If you would like to connect with me and discuss more about this space, feel free to write to me at [email protected] or WhatsApp me at +91 74119 78119 .

Take care!

Love to All.

CoachRB