Parenthood – A bit of this, a bit of that…

Disappointments! A word that directly co-relates to the word expectations. I generally try and find the most positive way possible for sharing my thoughts, and experiences, as I believe that language plays a very important role in how we perceive things. Today, I have made a conscious choice to not try and avoid starting my blog with the word ‘Disappointments’. Reason? A very simple one! I do not want to suppress the message anyhow by the use of language in a certain way.

So what I am talking about is the apathy of a mother, that she shared with me during the last couple of interactions. Keeping the sanctity of the confidence shown in me, and thus without divulging any details, I am going to share now what I feel is worthy of being understood in a parent-child relationship.

Honouring the idea of exceptions(read it as one in millions), I say that parents raise their children with utmost care, purest form of love, and the most sincere efforts required. Parenting is a never ending, ever tiring, and forever required role that one plays, having accepted the role of a parent.

This care, and compassion creates expectations which a parent starts to have from their children, often believing in them as the most obvious path that the child must follow in his/her life.

And this is where disappointments come in, and take their space in such a sacred bond shared between two humans. Remember, I said where there are expectations, there is a chance for disappointments too.

I belong to the school of thought, which advocates for children to be allowed to make their choices, and create the life they want for themselves. But what I also firmly believe in is that this freedom needs to be mindful, and at times managed, so that the children are not allowed to be exposed to things and situations, that can be life damaging.

We may call it generation-gap, we may call it a gap in forward and backward thinking, we may give it the name of the over-possessiveness or being over-protective. Whatever it is, to be mindful of how the freedom is being understood and used by our children, is the responsibility and right that I feel every parent must take complete charge of.

For children, it is important to understand that in the name of being cool, the new normals, being up-with-times, etc., there are things which they often get int, which are harmful and dangerous for their lives, but do not seem so, because of the fun attached to them.

A parent and a child, especially when the child has entered an age to be considering themselves as mature and informative enough, must sit and come an agreement on the various elements on parenting which a parent will definitely have a say on, and must be listened and adhered to.

The area of conflict often is where a parent feels that the confidence has been beached and the child fails to understand why what is being done by him/her cannot be accepted and allowed.

Ir-respective of the age gap, of being from a different generation, despite of not being completely updated about the new normals, there are certain choices which will always be damaging. These choices are dependent on the age, they are not specific to being considered a child or an adult, what is harmful, is harmful. And that is it!

Debates can be done on the seeming rights and wrongs, discussions can happen on the ethical and unethical, talks may be allowed on differing perceptions, but amongst all of these, there are some non-negotiables, and they must remain so.

An honest, clear and precise message from the parent to the child on these is the way to go. Displeasure and disagreements (if any) must be expressed by both at this point, and eventually a ‘non-conditional’ acceptance and adherence must be practised, by the children in such cases.

Age and stage of life, are two important factors that combine to decide till when this arrangement must stay. But one answer to the key question of, ’Till When?’, is, until it is understood by oneself. Because what we are talking of as non-negotiables are things which are life-threatening and life-damaging, and they remain so irrespective of what age, what times, and what generation we belong to.

Let us as parents, acquire the courage to look beyond only the present-day comfort of our children, and do what is required for a happy and comfortable life for them.

Let us as children, understand the intent of our parents, and learn to accept and adhere to the non-negotiables, for our own good and well-being.

Let us create happy and fulfilling lives!

Much love,

DeepCoachRB