Cherish the Parent-Child bond!

Yes, I know it was time for the Sunday Podcast today, but owing to bad throat and almost unbearable voice, I decided against torturing my audience. And so here I am with extra dose of The Sunday Brunch for this week.

And what I wish to share about today are my thoughts, which come in response to a question put up by one of my clients to me three days back. It was a parent, who is dealing with self-doubts about her parenting, of her fourteen-year-old daughter.

Just like most of the mothers would do, this person has devoted major part of her last 14 years in bringing up her daughter, with her best intentions and finest actions possible. Sincerity and dedication in playing the role of the mother have been the highlights of her parenting from whatever I have come to understand from our interactions.

Yet, when she approached me two weeks back, the only question that has engulfed all her thoughts and her existence at this point is, ‘Where did I lack in my parenting?’ ,’What went wrong which has allowed my daughter to shape up into an individual which I never anticipated?’

Well, before I could even explore the questions she raised, I had a very important question which I had to ask her to understand the situation in its totality. And that question was, ‘What is that your daughter is turning into as an individual which is so wrong?’

And I got a twenty-minute reply to that question. Honestly, I was expecting it to be stretched, but not for that long too. Anyways, the length of the response is not important here. What is important is that nothing in those twenty-five minutes was spoken which to be as a neutral person, looked as anything close to being wrong.

And that surprised look on my face was read well by the mother. There was silence between us for the next few minutes, and that served as it was meant to be. Silence, which leads to honest introspection and reflection, always shows up whatever is best meant to be.

Silence was succeeded by a few meaningful questions. Those questions led to some heartfelt answers. And the honesty of a parent’s intention, finally led to what I am sure is the start of a breakthrough in this mother-daughter relationship.

The mother finally began to see that right-wrong were being viewed from the filter of a parent’s expectations. Expectations, which got set and reinforced every time something was done by her for her daughter in her upbringing. These are not expectations of a return or favor from the child, but expectations which find their origin in a parent’s view of the best version of a life for their child.

I agree that we as parents should always have the best interests of our children in mind, but as parents what is in the best interest of our children is that we keep ourselves open to contemplate if our view of the best, is what is good enough for the life which our child, who is also an individual, is going to live.

Our session enabled this mother to open her heart to re-evaluate her thoughts, and her views. And what makes me confident that only the ‘BEST’ will come out of it, is my faith in the purity of a parent’s love and intention. Questions can be raised on their view of the best, but there is absolutely no possibility of the intentions being the best, being questioned.

A parent-child relationship is one which sees the most dynamic and ever-evolving phases through its lifetime. Age gap, intensity of love, expectations turning into burdens, and a child growing with their own individuality, are a few reasons which make it so vibrant.

I feel privileged to be working with parents, and children alike, and making my own contribution as a coach, in enabling stronger parent-child relationships. This was just one of the many experiences that I am blessed to make a difference in. And each time I work with either a parent or a child, the one belief which re-affirms itself and gains strength is that both are a blessing which must be cherished and cared-for.

Let us build stronger parent-child relationships!

Let us create fulfilling lives for ourselves!

Love,

DeepCoachRB