Choose Authenticity…

‘Presenting your most authentic version is the biggest gift you can give to your relationships, as well as the people you are related to.’

This was one of my sharing of the last week, and it got me quite a few questions the very same day and for a couple of days to follow. I answered some of them instantly, and some I could not at that time. And thus, I promised that this Sunday’s brunch blog shall speak about the same.

I still cannot accommodate all the questions independently in one blog post, so I am picking a few which I believe will relate to almost all the questions that were put to me.

The most important one:

Does this happen always? Is it possible to do it 100%?

To me, these are two different questions, and the answers were a simple ‘NO’ and an even simpler ‘YES’ respectively.

And to broaden the reply for it to be understood better, it does not happen always because we chose not to. Our own inhibitions, our own insecurities, and our own fears are the reasons we use to not allow ourselves authenticity with our own people.

And the reason behind our inhibitions, our insecurities, and our fears, is not what we make ourselves believe to be. Our most natural tendency is to put the blame on others for us not being true to them. The reason is nothing outside of us. Others are what they are, and if anything in them makes us believe that we cannot or should not be authentic with them, we must remind ourselves that no matter how unacceptable or uncomfortable that may be, it is their own most authentic and truest expression of themselves. And if they can present their most authentic version, irrespective of how we feel about that, there is nothing that should stop us from holding back what we truly are. And what is very important to be added here is, that even if others are not being their true self, that also does not give us a reason to be anything other than what we authentically are.

The answer to the second question being a ‘definite yes’ finds in origin in the fact that it is only and only us, who have the authority as well as the responsibility of being who we are. We can choose to be 100% authentic, and the complete opposite of it, and somewhere in-between the two. And just because it is totally self-dependent, it becomes a 100% possibility for us to do it.

The other very interesting question was, ’What if that authentic version has a lot of flaws and chooses to stay with the flaws?’

My reply. Being authentic does not equate to being flawless. To acknowledge that one’s current authentic version is flawed is a sign of authenticity. And the choice to get above the flaws or to continue to keep adorning them is again an expression of the most authentic self. So having or not having flaws and being authentic or inauthentic have no relation to each other whatsoever and must be looked at independently of each other.

The question that followed, did not surprise me at all. And maybe the most obvious one that could have been asked.

What can be the cost of inauthenticity between two individuals?

The answer is just a one-word one. ‘Relationship.’

The only cost that can be there for one to choose not to be authentic is to lose the relationship. Or to lose the authenticity of the other person involved. I am not going to talk much about the second scenario, because that also involves the most authentic choice of the other person.

And even the first case to me is the most authentic expression of the person who chooses his/her way of being over the relationship they share. Does it not speak also of the authenticity of an individual in a way? To me it does!

The last question that I want to answer, and which I feel is very important to take up here is, ’What if someone does not want to lose on the relationship and yet is not completely authentic at the moment?’

Well, the question to me itself had the answer revealing itself through it. Wanting to retain the relationship, shows the intent of the person to move from being inauthentic to authenticity which the relationship desires or demands. And this intent can only come from the most authentic space within, especially when one realizes that it is him/her who has the authority and responsibility to decide.

As for the current inauthenticity is concerned. It is what the current state is. And there is nothing impossible for a human to bring a change to once a resolution is made. A human is always a work in progress, and it is in these moments of decision that one gets the chance to move/herself from their current state of being to a different/desired state of being. All that is required is an authentic acknowledgement of what is, as is.

From what I see, being authentic and true, especially if it starts with oneself, is providing the biggest chance to ourselves, to move to our highest possibility. It is the innate nature of us humans, to want to feel good about ourselves, and if our authenticity shows anything which is not so good, it also gives us the best chance to do whatever it takes to see our best version through our most authentic self.

I had some very interesting conversations around this. And I am happy that I was able to present my most authentic perspective on the same. Both today, as well as the times when I shared my perspective earlier.

I am sure that the uniqueness of everyone will bring out a unique perspective from each of us. I would be glad to hear your perspective on the same, and if needed have a discussion to expand our vision on the same. Feel free to call me if you have something to share on this.

Much Love

DeepCoach RB