Author: coachrb

There comes a time in our life when we feel the urge to change the way we have been living. This can possibly be because of something not working in our current set-up or it may also be because of our desire to explore something new in our life.

What I am experiencing these days is something which is a mix of both. There have been things in my life which have served me well and have seen the best of me, but it does not feel the same anymore. At the same time, I feel a pull towards living in a way which may not be very much like what I have been living until now.

This combination of a push and a pull has been working around me for quite some time now, and it was my conscious choice to not rush into any decision on it. I wanted to see if this is just a phase and will fade away or is it something which I choose to call a shift in me.

I think I am beginning to get clarity on that and would be able to give words to my thoughts soon.

Anyways why I chose to share this in today’s blog is because I have been a witness to several transformational journeys of my clients, and I felt it to be appropriate to share my experience for anyone who might be going through the same phase currently.

What happens when such phase comes in our life?

A few signs of it are:

• We start to question why we are losing interest in what we do.
• Procrastination engulfs our mind, and it becomes thoughts over actions.
• The disinterest starts to impact other areas of our life.
• We do not stop to act but often question our action after having done something.
• There seems to be clarity about why we want to do something, but not enough about what we want to do.

If you notice, all the above mentioned have one thing in common and that is a disinterest in our present circumstances.

Though I firmly believe that transformation finds its roots in pain, and thus we must not neglect or avoid pain, but instead try and understand it completely to allow for whatever it is meant to serve us. But what is also true is that we need to be mindful of not getting stuck with the pain. Our honest intention of letting pain do its work should not get converted into unmindful allowing for pain to find a permanent abode within us.

In my case, because of all the being level experiences I get on daily basis, it was easier to receive the message from pain, and then make it serve me instead of making me a prisoner to it. But I also acknowledge, that for those who are busy creating a living for themselves and their loved ones, such phases can become a deterrent to their current as well as further peace of mind.

My only message for those who find themselves in such phases of doubt, disinterest and confusion is to not get overwhelmed with it. The best way to approach such times is to bring a few practices into your life. Some of those are:

• Slow down and make a deliberate effort to not rush into thoughts or actions.
• Give a structure to all the random thoughts and keep coming and start journaling.
• Re-visit your written thoughts after an interval, and discard those which do not connect anymore.
• Try and answer the ‘why’ behind ‘what’ is happening inside you.
• Make a list of ten proud, successful, and joyous moments of your life, and ten of those where you felt disheartened, having failed and regretful. Reviewing this list in silence, will bring a lot on insights for you.

Change is a way of life, and we all must strive to keep changing whenever it feels like the time for it. Being mindful can help us to manage these changes better and use them as transformational points in our life’s journey towards fulfillment.

My own experience says that these phases of transformation can become your thought album to go back to and cherish. We must receive and welcome such phases with our best version and allow them to serve us the way they originally intended to, without much interference from our end.

I wish that anyone who finds themselves in such a phase in any space of their life, finds today’s read to be a helpful one.

And till we connect again(which might be after a few weeks), be joyous and stay safe.

Much love,

DeepCoach RB

Something came up during one of my coaching sessions last week and that had me reflect upon it even further for next few days. Life at times is so easy that people try and get suspicious about it and thus make a mess out of it.

Such was my experience during this session, which was the last one of the series of eight that I had with this client of mine. Both of us in our journey together during the last three months have witnessed her life unfolding in the most magnificent ways. I remember the first time she had a word with me during the discovery call, she had endless issues that she wanted to address in her life, and the call seemed to be never ending because of that.

Eventually we started our sessions and quite obviously with someone who was coming with so much in her head, the first few sessions were a bumpy ride of everything coming to the surface of it. But then as it happens mostly things started to settle as she developed a better understanding of herself. And it is shift in her awareness about herself, which changed her perspective about her life.

Though I have seen it numerous times now, but it still never fails to surprise me that how it is not that a solution to some problems is found, but how what was once perceived as a problem does not remain so anymore.

With this client also experiencing something similar, by the end of our scheduled eighth session, she had it all sorted for herself and had no further work to be done on the stuff she came with.

As we initiated our culmination talk, and somewhere in the middle of it, I sensed something bothering her and had to ask her to reflect upon it and see if there is anything still left to be attended to. The reply that I got made me filled with compassion and love for this client of mine.

Her exact same words as she spoke are,” I don’t know but I am feeling a little strange, like something is missing. There seems to be nothing which is a concern. How can this be true? What am I missing? Why am I not able to pin-point on the problem? When I came in, I was so clearly able to see all my problems, and now I am not able to find any. Why did this happen?”

And none of this came with a sense of excitement. There was absolutely no joy in knowing that there was no visible issue to be addressed. Instead because of being so used to always be in a challenge, she found it very strange and almost suspicious that there must be something problematic something, but she is unable to see it.

As it showed up for me, I invited her to be in silence with me for a while and allow for to be open to whatever needs to show up. And in this let us see if there is any problem which exists, and if it is its time to be addressed it will come up.

The silence lasted for almost 15 minutes. And on the other side of it was a five minute talk about sharing pleasantries and thanking each other for being safe and vulnerable during our coaching association.

I did not ask her what came up. And she did not share much about it too. But her face and her presence reflected a sense of completion. That which allows us to accept the life for how magnificent it can be. That which makes us believe that life be problem free. That which makes us understand that there will be moments and challenges that will show up, and we must work on them as is required. But when there are those problem free moments, we must also learn to believe in them and cherish them for the blessing they are.

Just like this client of mine, it holds true for each one of us. All we need to do is to acknowledge and embrace life for what and how it is. Cherish it for the challenges it throws and for those problem free moments it blesses us with.

And till we connect again, take care, and create joy and fulfillment for yourself.

Much Love,

DeepCoach RB

I want to start today’s blog by wishing everyone a very happy Mother’s Day. This is that one connection which has touched anyone who has even existed. And she is what I want to write about today.

Before I even start, I must say that I have absolutely no idea what words will be coming out through me today, and I also believe strongly that none can do justice to what I think about being a mother, or motherhood. Yet, I could not convince myself to not dedicate today’s blog to this most wonderful blessing that the universe has blessed us with.

In my own life I have had the privilege to experience very closely this connection between a mother and her child. Be it my own mother, or my sister as a mother, and many others who are either my friends or relatives, motherhood is something which has always been a major area of awareness with whoever I have come across in my life.

There are certain themes which I have seen as common to each of them. And without doubt the biggest one is the unimaginable amount of love that a mother carries for her child. In this tangible world where the child becomes an individual once the umbilical cord connecting her to the mother is cut, there is something beyond that which keeps connecting both till either of them exists.

I have seen this love which a mother carries for her child being so versatile, that it gets expressed in the form of care and compassion, it takes the form of strictness and being tough, it allows the mother to be the strongest as well as go weak at times, it makes her see it all, and yet close her eyes to her child’s mischiefs.

Whatever be the role she plays, it is love that is the driving force behind it. At times I have even experienced the helplessness of a mother in not being able to unlove her child. May I should correct it by saying, her helplessness in showing to her child that she is not feeling love for her in a moment. A mother might be in a dilemma in such moments, but personally I enjoy them a lot. 😉

She might have had a life which is of comfort and relaxation, but once a mother, it becomes a job which does not cease to keep something in her awake till she breathes her last. I have heard and I believe that women do have a strong sixth sense, but when she becomes a mother, there is definitely a seventh sense also which ignites in her and stays aflame forever.

Where else can you find other than in being a mother, the magnificence of wanting her child to succeed and shine and be recognized, and yet always praying for her being protected from the jealous looks of the people. I have known of mothers who fight this irony of feeling elated about hearing of her child’s success and getting vary of them attracting unfavorable attention. I cannot even assume what battle would that be to fight.

And just like this there are many more such contradictions that a mother lives through during her lifetime. And though they are contradictory, the best and the most assured thing in all this is that it all originates from love which is of the highest order.

Pure, unfiltered, undiluted, without expectation, effortlessly giving, and unexplainable love. That kind which may be only a mother can understand. Or maybe even she cannot.

As I said, I was not sure what I was going to write today. And this is one piece which I do not even want to re-read and make changes to. This is all straight from the heart, and I am sure a heart-to-heart talk, does not need to be checked for language or grammar.

And that is why more than the mothers, I want to wish all the children of this world (no matter what age you are at) a very Happy Mother’s Day. Cherish the feeling of motherhood, be it in being the giver or the receiver.

Much Love,

Deep CoachRB

Another Sunday, and yet again travelling. So once again it’s a blog in today’s brunch. I really want to record a podcast, and hopefully shall be able to do it next week. For now, I am happy for whatever is possible in this set-up.

Anyways what I want to share today is about the blessing which has forced itself in my life and for me in the last four days. I call it forcing itself into my life, because somewhere I feel that completely left on me, I would have created some reasons for me either not embrace it fully or make myself believe that this is what is meant to be.

But then it was not supposed to be like that. And I am thankful to absolutely anyone or anything that has played any kind of role in making it happen.

This change is about allowing myself to live my most desired version. And not only to live it fully, but also to not allow myself any reasons for that to be hidden from anyone.

I have been on a path of living close to what I truly believe in, and I know that though was almost everything that I was experiencing that in, there were still a couple of things where I was living on the edge.

Reasons are easy to create when we allow ourselves denial to something. And that is what happened with me too. Thoughts ranging from, I must not be told what to do, to not being understood completely. Reasons like not wanting to hurt people who cannot understand, to not justifying to those who I thought no empathy towards it. From creating excuses of time being not right, to giving myself a time span for preparing that muscle. All these and many more, I allowed myself to be surrounded with.

And then what happened is what I call the blessing of my source of divine. All barriers got shattered, all excuses made way, and all reasons seemed invalid. And in that one moment of divine intervention, I talked myself towards absolute liberation.

I know that there can be nothing which I can describe in words here. The reason can be that it was the briefest talk I have ever had with myself, and all that it transitioned me into is action. Action towards doing and action towards stop doing.

So, keeping it short for today, all I want to say before I close is that I have experienced that moment of bliss, and that has allowed me to envision and immediately start living, my most desired version of myself. And what is most liberating is for it to come attached with a decision and strength to speak about whatever I choose to do, and to not be anything or do anything for which I can create a reason of not being able to tell someone.

And to share it with my world today was just that one step towards this life and intention that I am living right now.

Have never been this short of words. May be this does not need many words. Keep if anything makes sense and leave if nothing does. Sending this out with love, is what was meant for me, and I know it has served its purpose.

Much Love,

DeepCoach RB

Yes, I know that this Sunday Brunch was supposed to be a podcast, but travel schedules have not allowed me enough appropriate space to record. My desire to not let this Sunday pass by without sharing a bit of something from so many things that are brewing in me has resulted in this blog of today.

The last week’s blog was written from the airport, and this this one is getting created in the airplane. And the difference is just not me flying high in the sky, but also the flight that my soul is experiencing at this moment. The impact of the last six days and the sixteen beautiful souls that I was surrounded with is still to be understood in its completeness. For this moment, I just want to let it be in the feeling zone.

I thought that I would share about how the last week went and what all I experienced, but instead what is coming up for me is to share about something I came across at the airport last evening. Not the most pleasant of experiences, yet one which has so much of learning to share with everyone.

So, this was a family of four. A father, a mother and their two young daughters. The daughters seemed to be around ten and fifteen years old. And the parents too looked relatively younger.

I was sitting at the waiting lounge and had about seventy minutes before the boarding commenced. And these seventy minutes gave me some good lessons on how not a parent-child relationship, and a husband-wife relationship in front of their children needs to be handled.

The whole matter revolved around the disagreement between the parents and their elder daughter.

It caught my attention, when suddenly, I heard that daughter scream and say, ‘Go, and do whatever you can, or better start your never-ending yelling as you always do. I am used to it anyways; you enjoy your time.’

There were many people who turned their heads and noticed, and then eventually back their own conversations, or earphones for the songs or movies that were glued to.

One, I was alone, second, I am not used to earphones, and thirdly, the coach in me became curious. I knew that I had no opportunity to contribute to the calming down of the situation, but the opportunity to learn something about relationships that had showed up for me, I could not let go.

As I am still unable to figure out how I can best sequence it out here, I am going to try and write about what happened and then what my observations and learnings are from them.

The first scream from that girl was the last one from her too. And after that she chose to express herself through tears of anger, burying herself into her phone (which she knew her mother desperately wanted her to put away and listen to her), and scribbling on her phone screen in the fastest typing speed that I have even noticed someone move their fingers to.

The father’s role in all this was to show wide open eyes to the daughter, the one time she screamed, and then came just two statements from him, which were followed by him sitting next to the mother, with his eyes closed. And those two statements were, ‘I am not someone who will take your tantrums and stay silent.’ And ‘This is what I get as a father, after working so hard and earning for them whatever they want, giving them a life of luxuries.’

And now I come to the one, who was my main source of learning here. The mother. Whatever role the daughter and the father played, took just 3 – 4 minutes of the whole seventy minutes, and the whole of about an hour was when it was the mother who played active.

From making direct statements at her daughter while staring at her with anger and frustration, to simply speaking some random stuff looking up at the ceiling (obviously with an intention of her voice reaching the daughter’s ears), to looking at the husband venting out her anger and frustration while he was sitting there with eyes closed, and not even responding or acknowledging.

I do not remember a lot of her statements, but it went from directly picking on her daughter’s academic performance, to being on the phone always, to being disrespectful, calling her useless, to comparing her to her other friends. It went from comparison with friends to comparison with her cousins, from being lazy to not being mindful about the importance of money.

And it was not that the ranting was only aimed at the daughter, it got transferred towards the husband also multiple times, by him being blamed for not being strict enough, for him not being a helping partner in parenting, to even he is being solely responsible for the mother’s suffering because of his way of handling/mishandling the children.

As if that did not surprise me much, I also saw her shifting her focus from her daughter to her own childhood, and she was such a wonderful child to her parents and did everything which she finds her daughter not being anywhere close to. Unfortunately, this was not the biggest surprise, and she even mentioned that her own parents were still not happy with her and had so many expectations from her, and never gave her enough money or a lifestyle which is being enjoyed by her daughter today.

What an hour that was!

And let me now focus on the few key learnings and messages that I extracted from it.

By the way, it is important for me to mention here that in all this the younger girl was sitting there all quiet and still trying to not become a scapegoat, but her eyes moving in all directions, trying to pick the words and actions, and make her own meaning from those.

The lessons I learnt or got re-enforced for me are:

• Parenting is a teamwork. And differences (if any) must not be expressed in front of our children. It not only diverts attention from the issue at hand, but at times even fuels it further with the child taking advantage of it.
• While focusing on an issue which is about the child, we must avoid bringing in our own pain-points as parents, which may actually be a reflection of our own struggles while earning money.
• Trying to manage our child is no power game. It is not a battle of cementing supremacy or authority.
• Becoming angry and losing control of our emotions, does not only divert us from the issue at hand, but also covers the message we want to give to our child with layers of drama.
• Our children receive as mere animated actors and not serious messengers when they find a pattern of uncontrolled rant in our parenting.
• The childhood we lived was different times, and it is least serving to bring both the good and bad of the times that have passed into the times of today, especially when the situation at hand is not a pleasant one.
• We provide the best opportunity for our children to understand when we speak to them in the context of times that they are living in.
• There must always be an honest reflection on the issue of our unresolved issues with our parents making an impact on how we perceive ourselves as parents. These were two different relationships, between some very different type of individuals.
• We must always strive to have a one-on-one dialogue with our child, rather than getting into a monologue, which we believe is being aimed at our child, but always hits a non-listening ear.
• Reflection rather than reaction is the best way of ensuring an appropriate handling of your child.
• How it is being said, can make what is being said much more impactful.
• As parents we must be mindful that best intentions do not get layered under our not so good way of communication.

Takeaways are many more, and I think it would be good to speak about them somewhere else, some other time, at some other platform.

For today, I would just like to close by saying a last thing which is equally important and that is to be mindful about the presence of your other child in such situations, and to be conscious about the fact that they do have a voice going on inside of them, amidst all the noise that is happening around them. This one simple mindfulness can help us avoid creating a similar situation again in future, both for our child as well as ourselves as parents.

Let us as parents, enjoy this blessing of parenthood. Acknowledging the challenges that come with it, and embracing the blessings it carries within, let us as parents relieve ourselves and our children from expectations, that may be unrealistic and are only detrimental to the growth of all the individuals involved and the parent-child relationship itself.

Let love lead!

Much Love,

DeepCoach RB

I am writing today’s blog sitting at the airport on my way to a coaches’ retreat in Bali. Multiple thoughts crossing my mind as I go ahead with it and put myself in the zone of vulnerability with around 20 people who I have never met in my life earlier. Though I have had a few interactions with a couple of them, but those have mainly been confined to profession related talks.

When I look back at my life from here, I see this as a huge leap for me. To be choosing a space where I am going to spend the next 7 days in company of people without any known familiarities as such. Yes, I have been meeting new people, but those have majorly been interactions restricted to my work.

People who know me today, may not relate the word ‘introvert’ to me anymore. But I know how big I was at that, at one point in my life. And may be today also, there is a part of me which still prefers to be amongst the known few.

This is what allows me to reflect within, and ask myself, why did I then decide to go ahead with this retreat and present myself with this massive experience of unknown.

To be honest, this question took a little time to be constructed the right way, but the answer to it showed up by itself in no time at all.

I would like to share it with you citing both the reasons which make it one reason as a whole.

First, the people coming there are all on a path of self-awareness, and from where I see, are all evolved souls. My experience of the few that I have interacted with, make me believe that one those who understand the ‘being’ of the human experience, are going to be my partners during the next seven days. These are people who look at life from a lens which is more of the heart space than the mind space. Feelings and emotional connection lead the way here, rather than intellect.

Simply mentioning this here makes me feel lighter and relaxes my breath even more.

What is even more important is the second reason here.

And that is this significant shift that I have experienced in my being, to connect with people at a level which is deep. To present myself and to experience others from the heart space. To see them for the soul they are and not how they behave, or how they look, or what they do in their lives.

This connection at the being level is what has allowed me this transformation of being someone who liked to keep to myself, to being the one who allows himself to embrace and love people without any inhibitions. This ease with the sense of vulnerability is what has made me comfortable as well as openhearted to allow myself this experience of being in such a space.

My training as a coach, my numerous experiences with the people I have coached, and my own life experiences, all have contributed to me being the person who I am. This living of life more from the heart space, living a life of consciousness, being in close connection with my core, and being able to embrace myself for what I am, have all been the elements which have made me be in love with the concept of vulnerability.

I am now charged up, and looking forward to receiving whatever life has in store for me, during the next seven days, and for all the days, months, and years to come. And if there if there one thing which I would love for anyone who reads this to take away from today’s blog, it is to allow for and embrace vulnerability in their lives.

We have been cultured to believe in boundaries and keeping ourselves safe and guarded. It may serve us as far as certain physically dangerous situations are concerned, but wherever it is a matter of heart and soul, allowing vulnerability is the biggest gift that we can give to ourselves, and thus experiencing life for what is meant to be.

By the time this blog would be published, I would have reached the zone which I am so much looking forward to. Hopefully in the next blog, I shall be able to share about all the marvellousness that came my way, because of the vulnerability that I am allowing to myself.

Be Blessed! Be Love!

Love,

DeepCoach RB

There are always two sides to each person. This is one statement that I have heard innumerable times in my life. And the number of experiences that I have had which prove for its validity and depth, are nowhere less than that.

I have seen that we humans are in a constant endeavor to see ourselves as becoming more of the good we have, than living the not so good side of ours.

The intention has nothing wrong in it. And it is very much understandable and relatable that we all aspire to have a good, nice view about ourselves.

What I have experienced is that there are multiple ways in which people try and create this shift as a reality for themselves.

One obvious way is to do everything possible and making sure that slowly and steadily, the good side of oneself is allowed to become dominant and the not-so-good side is kept dormant as much as possible eventually allowing this practice to develop into a habit and for this habit to then make us what we become.

Then there is another way which I have seen people adopt to make themselves believe that their good side is becoming the dominant one. And that is to simply manipulate themselves into thinking that their not-so-good side is making way for the goodness, by itself.

This ‘by-itself’ is where the manipulation of the self is hidden. It is nothing but a mere suppression of one’s own awareness of the reality of self and denying yourself a chance to make that happen which leads to goodness within and around.

The third way which I have experienced in a lot of people is that of shifting focus from one’s scope of improvement to that of other people’s shortcomings or not so good in others.

We even name it as the ‘Devil Within’, as it is very convenient to brand the not-so-good of others, especially if it allows us to keep ourselves in good light.

And then there is one more way, which somewhere gets connected to the previous one, but goes a step further. And that is to start preaching others on how to shift from their not-so-good side to making the goodness in them the dominant one. This makes us feel good about in a dual manner, one by looking at the evil inside the other, and secondly by making ourselves the messiah of bringing goodness to the world.

My multiple experiences tell me that the only right way to succeed and be meaningful in this to focus within and being brutally honest with oneself. It is in this brutality that we give ourselves the best chance to allow for our tender goodness to show up and light up our world.

Let us not be afraid of seeing the evil within us. No matter how big or small, how dominant, or dormant, how active or passive it is. The only thing we need to know is it is something which resides within is. And anything that is within us is always in our control and can always be made to exist as we want it to be.

Another important thing to know is that this journey is not the smoothest one which you will embark on. In fact, this might be the hardest and most tiresome experience of your self-improvement journey. You will find yourself having moved a bit and then stumble upon, and at times you would have gained quite a ground and be in goodness for decent enough time, and again the evil will show up and make you falter.

Do not loose heart. It is through these challenges only, that the charm of you becoming all about goodness can be welcomed. So be at it and allow yourself the tenderness to stumble and rise again.

Much Love,

CoachRB

‘Presenting your most authentic version is the biggest gift you can give to your relationships, as well as the people you are related to.’

This was one of my sharing of the last week, and it got me quite a few questions the very same day and for a couple of days to follow. I answered some of them instantly, and some I could not at that time. And thus, I promised that this Sunday’s brunch blog shall speak about the same.

I still cannot accommodate all the questions independently in one blog post, so I am picking a few which I believe will relate to almost all the questions that were put to me.

The most important one:

Does this happen always? Is it possible to do it 100%?

To me, these are two different questions, and the answers were a simple ‘NO’ and an even simpler ‘YES’ respectively.

And to broaden the reply for it to be understood better, it does not happen always because we chose not to. Our own inhibitions, our own insecurities, and our own fears are the reasons we use to not allow ourselves authenticity with our own people.

And the reason behind our inhibitions, our insecurities, and our fears, is not what we make ourselves believe to be. Our most natural tendency is to put the blame on others for us not being true to them. The reason is nothing outside of us. Others are what they are, and if anything in them makes us believe that we cannot or should not be authentic with them, we must remind ourselves that no matter how unacceptable or uncomfortable that may be, it is their own most authentic and truest expression of themselves. And if they can present their most authentic version, irrespective of how we feel about that, there is nothing that should stop us from holding back what we truly are. And what is very important to be added here is, that even if others are not being their true self, that also does not give us a reason to be anything other than what we authentically are.

The answer to the second question being a ‘definite yes’ finds in origin in the fact that it is only and only us, who have the authority as well as the responsibility of being who we are. We can choose to be 100% authentic, and the complete opposite of it, and somewhere in-between the two. And just because it is totally self-dependent, it becomes a 100% possibility for us to do it.

The other very interesting question was, ’What if that authentic version has a lot of flaws and chooses to stay with the flaws?’

My reply. Being authentic does not equate to being flawless. To acknowledge that one’s current authentic version is flawed is a sign of authenticity. And the choice to get above the flaws or to continue to keep adorning them is again an expression of the most authentic self. So having or not having flaws and being authentic or inauthentic have no relation to each other whatsoever and must be looked at independently of each other.

The question that followed, did not surprise me at all. And maybe the most obvious one that could have been asked.

What can be the cost of inauthenticity between two individuals?

The answer is just a one-word one. ‘Relationship.’

The only cost that can be there for one to choose not to be authentic is to lose the relationship. Or to lose the authenticity of the other person involved. I am not going to talk much about the second scenario, because that also involves the most authentic choice of the other person.

And even the first case to me is the most authentic expression of the person who chooses his/her way of being over the relationship they share. Does it not speak also of the authenticity of an individual in a way? To me it does!

The last question that I want to answer, and which I feel is very important to take up here is, ’What if someone does not want to lose on the relationship and yet is not completely authentic at the moment?’

Well, the question to me itself had the answer revealing itself through it. Wanting to retain the relationship, shows the intent of the person to move from being inauthentic to authenticity which the relationship desires or demands. And this intent can only come from the most authentic space within, especially when one realizes that it is him/her who has the authority and responsibility to decide.

As for the current inauthenticity is concerned. It is what the current state is. And there is nothing impossible for a human to bring a change to once a resolution is made. A human is always a work in progress, and it is in these moments of decision that one gets the chance to move/herself from their current state of being to a different/desired state of being. All that is required is an authentic acknowledgement of what is, as is.

From what I see, being authentic and true, especially if it starts with oneself, is providing the biggest chance to ourselves, to move to our highest possibility. It is the innate nature of us humans, to want to feel good about ourselves, and if our authenticity shows anything which is not so good, it also gives us the best chance to do whatever it takes to see our best version through our most authentic self.

I had some very interesting conversations around this. And I am happy that I was able to present my most authentic perspective on the same. Both today, as well as the times when I shared my perspective earlier.

I am sure that the uniqueness of everyone will bring out a unique perspective from each of us. I would be glad to hear your perspective on the same, and if needed have a discussion to expand our vision on the same. Feel free to call me if you have something to share on this.

Much Love

DeepCoach RB

Relationships! No matter what type and kind they are, have their own share of ups and downs. Especially when it comes to love between two individuals (I mean the kind of love between a man & woman, who we may call spouses or partners), things seem to become even more complicated.

I am talking about this because just yesterday I had a very intriguing conversation with a dear friend about what she has been going through with respect to her own feeling of love for someone.

It was a detailed conversation, which lasted for about an hour, and obviously, without getting into the minute details of what was shared, I will simply share what I feel can be of benefit to anyone who wishes to be mindful of their own relationship with their spouses or those they are in love with.

Developing feelings is possible at any stage of our life. No matter what age, role, or position in society is, till we have a heart beating inside of us, we are always vulnerable to start feeling love for those who we feel connected with.

Despite a lot of suffocation being felt, a lot of uneasiness around, and becoming unsure about being right or wrong in allowing for her to develop those feelings, all I could sense was that there was still immense respect and love, which this friend of mine held for the man she talked about.

My own understanding of relationships, and my very own experience with them, allowed me to share my thoughts with her, more so in the capacity of a friend than a coach.

All I did was listen to her and allow her to express her own thoughts and views, about whatever she was feeling at that moment. And I suppose more than what I said, it was about what she spoke which made her understand what is it that she wants to do in such a situation.

We both found ourselves sharing a common ground where allowing for and acknowledging the feeling of love and respect, was not in question. It was very and heartfully accepted that there is immense respect for the feeling of love, that is there. Love is not what is making things difficult. Love is not what is creating any challenges. Love is in fact allowing her to live more beautifully. Love is what is allowing her to smile differently. Love is what is making her get in touch with that part of hers that she had started to believe did not exist anymore.

Such was the acknowledgement of love, that to me felt as if love itself came to its rescue and made sure that nothing in conversation, could question him. Love stands for itself and ensured in a very subtle way that it is not looked at any differently than how it deserves to be seen.

With things being settled around love, the focus shifted to that which was creating the difficulties then. And just because there was the clarity of perspective now, the troublemaker too showed up on itself.

It was the ego playing. It was the sense of uncertainty that was creating all the havoc. It was the feeling of misunderstanding which was creating all the turbulence.

I was not surprised at all!

I have seen all of these, the Ego, the uncertainties, the misunderstandings, and even more such demons, ruin the peace of many individuals and destroy many beautiful associations between individuals. Individuals who would have become a blessing to each other, not necessarily by playing an active role in each other’s lives, but by being there. And unfortunately, these evils come in and are even allowed to do what they are best known to do.

Anyways, all that was needed in that conversation was clarity on these two things. And knowing the evolution and growth path this friend of mine is on, I knew that it would not take her much time to put her sight on the best and the right thing to do in her situation.

The way the conversation ended; I was pleased to know that she clearly saw the most appropriate way to take things forward. Being me, I am still leaving room for a few more conversations, as I know that merely having seen the way, does not mean that one can start to walk that path immediately.

There will be stumbles, and there will be contradictions. All that I hope she sees at that point is, that it is nothing but our conditioning which tries to put love in a place which we think is the only meant place for it to be. What assures me in such a situation is that love, when it develops in us for someone, does not mean that it leaves us. Love very much stays within us, and it knows how to take care of the place and the person it resides in. So eventually through all the thick and thin, and beyond all the turbulences, if love is allowed to lead, it will bring peace and it will bring calmness to the one who is beholding it.

All our relationships, go through their own journey, which is full of smooth paths and not-so-comfortable potholes, what we must allow is for love to lead us. Love which will surely not harm the ones we love, and which will by default take of us, because it is us who are the origin of it.

Let us create relationships which are filled with love and understanding.

Let us allow love to lead us and others to what is best meant for all.

Let us create happy and fulfilling lives.

Much Love,

DeepcoachRB

Disappointments! A word that directly co-relates to the word expectations. I generally try and find the most positive way possible for sharing my thoughts, and experiences, as I believe that language plays a very important role in how we perceive things. Today, I have made a conscious choice to not try and avoid starting my blog with the word ‘Disappointments’. Reason? A very simple one! I do not want to suppress the message anyhow by the use of language in a certain way.

So what I am talking about is the apathy of a mother, that she shared with me during the last couple of interactions. Keeping the sanctity of the confidence shown in me, and thus without divulging any details, I am going to share now what I feel is worthy of being understood in a parent-child relationship.

Honouring the idea of exceptions(read it as one in millions), I say that parents raise their children with utmost care, purest form of love, and the most sincere efforts required. Parenting is a never ending, ever tiring, and forever required role that one plays, having accepted the role of a parent.

This care, and compassion creates expectations which a parent starts to have from their children, often believing in them as the most obvious path that the child must follow in his/her life.

And this is where disappointments come in, and take their space in such a sacred bond shared between two humans. Remember, I said where there are expectations, there is a chance for disappointments too.

I belong to the school of thought, which advocates for children to be allowed to make their choices, and create the life they want for themselves. But what I also firmly believe in is that this freedom needs to be mindful, and at times managed, so that the children are not allowed to be exposed to things and situations, that can be life damaging.

We may call it generation-gap, we may call it a gap in forward and backward thinking, we may give it the name of the over-possessiveness or being over-protective. Whatever it is, to be mindful of how the freedom is being understood and used by our children, is the responsibility and right that I feel every parent must take complete charge of.

For children, it is important to understand that in the name of being cool, the new normals, being up-with-times, etc., there are things which they often get int, which are harmful and dangerous for their lives, but do not seem so, because of the fun attached to them.

A parent and a child, especially when the child has entered an age to be considering themselves as mature and informative enough, must sit and come an agreement on the various elements on parenting which a parent will definitely have a say on, and must be listened and adhered to.

The area of conflict often is where a parent feels that the confidence has been beached and the child fails to understand why what is being done by him/her cannot be accepted and allowed.

Ir-respective of the age gap, of being from a different generation, despite of not being completely updated about the new normals, there are certain choices which will always be damaging. These choices are dependent on the age, they are not specific to being considered a child or an adult, what is harmful, is harmful. And that is it!

Debates can be done on the seeming rights and wrongs, discussions can happen on the ethical and unethical, talks may be allowed on differing perceptions, but amongst all of these, there are some non-negotiables, and they must remain so.

An honest, clear and precise message from the parent to the child on these is the way to go. Displeasure and disagreements (if any) must be expressed by both at this point, and eventually a ‘non-conditional’ acceptance and adherence must be practised, by the children in such cases.

Age and stage of life, are two important factors that combine to decide till when this arrangement must stay. But one answer to the key question of, ’Till When?’, is, until it is understood by oneself. Because what we are talking of as non-negotiables are things which are life-threatening and life-damaging, and they remain so irrespective of what age, what times, and what generation we belong to.

Let us as parents, acquire the courage to look beyond only the present-day comfort of our children, and do what is required for a happy and comfortable life for them.

Let us as children, understand the intent of our parents, and learn to accept and adhere to the non-negotiables, for our own good and well-being.

Let us create happy and fulfilling lives!

Much love,

DeepCoachRB