Author: coachrb

‘Our reaction to a situation literally has the power to change the situation itself.’ I had heard this saying several times. And my belief in this has been getting stronger and stronger by the day too. Yesterday was one more day, when not once but multiple times, I experienced the truth of it.

I was in a setting, which I had presented myself to about six months back too. For some reason, I decided that I had to re-experience the same, to restart what I left in-between at that time.

Though my last time experience which had its own pleasant and no so comfortable moments did present itself to me early morning to prepare me for all those not so pleasing moments again, I somehow chose to not get overwhelmed by it, and not carry the baggage with me when I went this time. I took it as a fresh start, which was more like the day one of how I was started it the last time.

So, the day started, and things started to roll. And this time around my experience of being in that surrounding was very different. Although there were still a few moments which went exactly like the same time, that caused uneasiness in me back then. This time how they impacted me was very different.

My experience and reaction to that which happened like how it happened last time was very different. And that allowed, how it showed up for me to become different too.

I acknowledged my own growth from being someone who got perturbed by certain actions and ways of people back then, to being the one who found my calmness around similar situations, and thus could allow myself a sense of ease.

It was such a beautiful re-affirmation, that how we show up for a situation, it becomes that for us. Whatever happens in a situation, happens outside of us. And happens with our experience of it, happens inside of us. These are two very different spaces and must be kept like that. And if at all we need to allow any impact also, it should be from inside towards out, and not the other way around.  

For me it saved my day from becoming a not so good, to being a wonderful day full of learning. It allowed to me present in a much more receptive manner, amongst the same people, who I might have otherwise been closed to, because of my last time experience with them. I allowed myself the freedom, to not get impacted by how things were being handled around me, and instead focus not how my thoughts and experience of it, was being handled by me.

My intention behind sharing this today, is not to speak about something which most of us know and is easily available in the form of many quotes on google. Instead, what I intended to do was to my most recent experience with something that I always knew, and believed in. And to share that we must always keep allowing ourselves to change, transform, and evolve, to experience our own experiences changing, when confronted with similar situations at various stages in our lives.

This aware presence to our own transformation, has the potential to encourage us to keep becoming better versions of ourselves, and re-energize our love for this life, and everyone who touches it. It allows for our relationship with self, and with others to become stronger and fulfilling.

Let us allow our best version to be presented to the situations we come across, thus allowing those situations to become good for us.

Let us create happy and fulfilling lives!

Much Love,

DeepCoachRB

Help! A word generally associated with the act of giving.

Since childhood, we all, or atleast most of us have been taught about the importance of being ready to help those who need us. In multiple ways, being helpful is what is being preached to us and advocated as a personality trait that we all must develop.

There is no part of me that disagrees with whatever is being spoken about being helpful, and yes it indeed makes the world a better place to live in. But what I want to talk about today is the aspect of  ‘help’ which is often not discussed much, and thus remains neglected .

And that is about being ready to seek help!

Asking for help has somehow commonly been looked down upon. I have seen this with many people, and at one point in time even experienced the same with myself, that seeking help is considered as something which better be avoided.

Find out ways to help yourself, but avoid asking for help!

Seeking help is as good as asking for favours!

To ask means you are allowing yourself a place of lower pedestal.

It is statements like these which has made help being sought as an act of shame or guilt for many. And this one notion, has led to many lives that have kept struggling, when they could easily have found a way out.

‘Help’, as a word should be advocated as being only positive, irrespective of is it being given or sought. ‘Help’ to me is a very important component of co-existence, for this world to survive and thrive.

It must be a conscious effort and should be taken up as an act of responsibility by everyone in the current times, to develop, as well as pass on to the next generation, the sense of comfort that must be associated with seeking help.

The ease of seeking help will not only help individuals have better lives, but will also enable stronger relationships, deeper bonds, healthy and realistic personalities. 

The normalising of help being sought will allow for many silent breakdowns to be avoided, possible failures being averted, and many lives being saved because of a timely stretch of hand.

It is important for ‘seeking help’ to be seen as an act of strength, rather than weakness. For, to allow ourselves to be vulnerable, and express our fragility takes real inner-strength. 

It is in seeking help, that we also create an opportunity for someone to experience their potential to help. That exposure to their ability to help can go a long way in them becoming a meaningful contributor, and making this world a better place to live.

As a Life and Relationship coach, my profession is based and thrives on one word and that is ‘Help’. A coaching relationship is the most honest partnership that I have experienced, between a client seeking help and a coach who presents himself/herself with complete honesty and sincerity to help.

I would urge anyone who resonates with what is expressed above, to develop this aspect of normalising and advocating ‘seeking help’ as a part of their relationships, and thus create fulling lives for yourself and others.

Let us take pride, both in being able to help, and being able to seek help!

Let us create happy and fulling lives!

Much Love,

DeepCoachRB

Yes, I know it was time for the Sunday Podcast today, but owing to bad throat and almost unbearable voice, I decided against torturing my audience. And so here I am with extra dose of The Sunday Brunch for this week.

And what I wish to share about today are my thoughts, which come in response to a question put up by one of my clients to me three days back. It was a parent, who is dealing with self-doubts about her parenting, of her fourteen-year-old daughter.

Just like most of the mothers would do, this person has devoted major part of her last 14 years in bringing up her daughter, with her best intentions and finest actions possible. Sincerity and dedication in playing the role of the mother have been the highlights of her parenting from whatever I have come to understand from our interactions.

Yet, when she approached me two weeks back, the only question that has engulfed all her thoughts and her existence at this point is, ‘Where did I lack in my parenting?’ ,’What went wrong which has allowed my daughter to shape up into an individual which I never anticipated?’

Well, before I could even explore the questions she raised, I had a very important question which I had to ask her to understand the situation in its totality. And that question was, ‘What is that your daughter is turning into as an individual which is so wrong?’

And I got a twenty-minute reply to that question. Honestly, I was expecting it to be stretched, but not for that long too. Anyways, the length of the response is not important here. What is important is that nothing in those twenty-five minutes was spoken which to be as a neutral person, looked as anything close to being wrong.

And that surprised look on my face was read well by the mother. There was silence between us for the next few minutes, and that served as it was meant to be. Silence, which leads to honest introspection and reflection, always shows up whatever is best meant to be.

Silence was succeeded by a few meaningful questions. Those questions led to some heartfelt answers. And the honesty of a parent’s intention, finally led to what I am sure is the start of a breakthrough in this mother-daughter relationship.

The mother finally began to see that right-wrong were being viewed from the filter of a parent’s expectations. Expectations, which got set and reinforced every time something was done by her for her daughter in her upbringing. These are not expectations of a return or favor from the child, but expectations which find their origin in a parent’s view of the best version of a life for their child.

I agree that we as parents should always have the best interests of our children in mind, but as parents what is in the best interest of our children is that we keep ourselves open to contemplate if our view of the best, is what is good enough for the life which our child, who is also an individual, is going to live.

Our session enabled this mother to open her heart to re-evaluate her thoughts, and her views. And what makes me confident that only the ‘BEST’ will come out of it, is my faith in the purity of a parent’s love and intention. Questions can be raised on their view of the best, but there is absolutely no possibility of the intentions being the best, being questioned.

A parent-child relationship is one which sees the most dynamic and ever-evolving phases through its lifetime. Age gap, intensity of love, expectations turning into burdens, and a child growing with their own individuality, are a few reasons which make it so vibrant.

I feel privileged to be working with parents, and children alike, and making my own contribution as a coach, in enabling stronger parent-child relationships. This was just one of the many experiences that I am blessed to make a difference in. And each time I work with either a parent or a child, the one belief which re-affirms itself and gains strength is that both are a blessing which must be cherished and cared-for.

Let us build stronger parent-child relationships!

Let us create fulfilling lives for ourselves!

Love,

DeepCoachRB

This picture came to me as a great re-enforcement of the power of presence.

That concept of presence is so absent to many while we carry on with our regular daily lives.

Being present has merely been restricted to being physically available at a place. Being present has become more of hearing something rather than actual listening. Being present is taken as looking at something, even if not seeing it. Is this what is meant by being present, or the word presence?

This question along with another very important one, came up for me when I started giving my presence to this picture concerned. And the other question was when did this get so deeply rooted in our lives? When did being present just for the sake of it, became standard for us?

As I do with most things, I went deep inside me and back into my own life, to search for the answers.

The answer to the first question was sound and clear, and all it described ‘presence’ as was to feel the life in every moment. See here, I am not saying ‘living the moment’, because even living today has also been misunderstood as something which merely an act of breathing-in and breathing-out.

When I say feel the life, I am asking for not just passing by things or people or places, but instead making them a part of our experience, a part of our lives.

Let me give a couple of examples and I am sure that will make things easier to understand.

Have you ever bought a sofa or a chair for yourself? No, no, I am not trying to become Dr Jehangir khan of the movie ‘Dear Zindagi’. But the question remains valid still. If the answer is yes, think of the time when you first went shopping for it. How did you choose the one you purchased finally?

Did you not sit on it and moved around experiencing all possible corners and edges of it? Did you not feel the touch of the texture? Were you not mindful of how it will fit in the décor of your house? Did you not see its shape and size, to make sure that it fits where you planned?  And for some, did you not even close your eyes and allow something to tell you, this is the one? 

I am sure the answer is ‘YES’ for most of us.

And now answer another question. Do you experience the same chair, the same way, every-time you sit on it?

I am sure the answer is ‘NO’ for most of us.

And that is the exact difference between ‘being merely present’ and ‘presence’. JUST LIVE EVERY MOMENT. Allow yourself to be immersed in whatever you are doing and wherever you are.

You know when I spoke about this to someone, their one big apprehension was “Immersing oneself takes time, how can I do that it with every moment.”? And my answer was as simple as it could get. I asked just a question and the person smiled, having understood what I meant and having got his question answered. The question was, ‘How many moments does it take to Immerse yourself in that one moment?’

Let me give you another example so that what presence is becomes clear for all.

Think of the last time when you looked at your hand. Yes, your hand, your hand, it can either be the left one or the right one. May be today itself, a few minutes back, or may be just now when I asked this question. What all did you notice about this hand of yours? Do you have a few things to say?

Ok now look at the same hand again, and try and Live it, being in the presence of it, trying to notice those fine lines which get missed but were always there, may be a few marks, which become so much a part that they remain unnoticed, a few spots or some places of extra sheen, which were earlier unnoticed. Yes, yes, you are seeing the very same hand you looked at earlier. The only difference, ‘presence’ was not absent this time.

Having made clear what presence is, surprisingly the answer to the second question was staring at me right there, without making much of an effort.

It has been such a smooth transition for us from seeking attention and presence as toddlers at the comfort of our homes with our very own people and safe space, to changing into students who learn to use the word ‘present’, just for the sake of it.

I am sure most of us will be able to relate to what I am saying and must have understood what I am talking about, by reading the previous paragraph. If not, please read again and see what shows up for you.

Yes, I am talking about the great old ‘Roll Calls’ during each class period in our school days. The drill of the teacher taking our names and we simply being taught by the same teacher to respond saying ‘Present Miss/Present Ma’am/Present Sir’.  What should have been a means of igniting the ‘presence’ of each student for the class ahead, remained as a mere tool of ‘recording physically being present’ in that same room.

And though the school days get over at some point in our lives, what we got so used to ignoring for almost 7-8 times a day, for close to 160 days a year, for almost 15 years of our lives, stays with us and deprives us of knowing what actual presence is, at times for the rest of our lives.

Does presence make such a huge difference? My own experience says ’YES’. Then why don’t we realise it that strongly? How can we realise what is being missed in our lives, when we are not present in its absence?

It can only be understood when we start understanding and practising ‘presence’ in the small and regular tasks in our lives. And before I end, let me give you the most important and the closest two things to start with. Be present to your breath and be present to the rhythm of your heartbeat. Try this and see how far we have come from ‘presence’ in our lives, but the good part is, it also tells how close it is to still getting hold of it.

Live it all! Love it all!

And yes, BTW my washroom has 97 tiles. And two of them with little cracks on them.

Much Love,

DeepCoachRB

Last one year has been filled with immense amount of learning. Getting to know about newer ways of looking at life. Coming across concepts and thoughts, which go far beyond anything that meets the eye. Getting to know a completely new tribe of people, who are all evolved beings, still on the path of being ever evolving. Coming face to face with different dimensions of life and living, which were beyond my comprehension at an earlier time.

And while there have been all these great, pleasant looking things that showed up, I also came across certain things which on the face of it did not look that pleasing. Some harsh realities of life made me look at them and not run away. Certain people who already always were there, showed a newer side of them which I did not expect ever existed. A few situations did not turn out to be as I expected them to be, and thus caught me off guard.

In all, a year or so of immense revelations. One after the other, I came face to face with a phase of life, which was all about me being presented with things to take a note of. I must admit that not everything could manage a sane reaction from me, as I was caught off-guard several times. At times, it was others and at times it was my own way of being, which I did not identify with much.

And lately, I have been feeling an urge to slow down, and may be eventually pause for a bit, and allow all that which showed-up to make meaning for me. Make sure that I get the message that all these situations had for me. Ensure that I do not disrespect the universe’s signals, which were sent in numerous, unending ways all through the past few months.

So, honoring that urge and respecting what I am feeling about it, I have decided to bring to a halt my social interactions in the manner they are being carried on with at this time. I need to step-back, I need to pause, and I need to first make sense of all that came my way, before I move forward again in the direction that is meant for in alignment with my highest purpose.

A lot of thought has gone into it, and I know there are costs involved in deciding to put brakes, at this stage of my life. But after having put in enough deliberation and self-talk, I feel this a cost that I am prepared to pay. A gamble that is worth taking, and I am prepared to embrace whatever good or not-so-good it brings forward for me.

What I for sure perceive is that at the end of it all, whenever it happens, I will be what is best aligned with my highest self. My actions and thoughts will be more leading me to where I am designed to be made for. There will either be same people around me, or a change in that, but what will definitely change is my way of being with those who stay. I am expecting a phase of deep self-exploration and knowing myself.

The immediate steps that I am going to take is to be ‘off’ all social media platforms. Not because I think of them to be toxic, or time wasters. Because I firmly believe it is us who consume the toxicity from them, and it is us who waste time on these (if at all), and there is nothing wrong in these platforms in themselves. My reason behind staying away, for a while, or may be for a longer while, is to give myself as much time is possible with my own self.

Does this mean that I will not be contactable? Won’t I meet anyone at all or socialize? What if someone needs me to be there for them? What about my work commitments? Well, I will be contactable for sure, with the preferred medium being an email, and if not then at most a phone call. Socializing will take a back seat, barring a few already committed engagements, which I would like to ensure I keep at the shortest possible. If the word is ’NEED’, and it is thought through twice, there is no question that I will be there any time of the day, any time of the night.  Work, whatever and till whenever it does not interfere with my internal work, shall continue, so I will decide on it as it goes.

You know, even sharing this out loud, with you today, makes me feel better. I still am not aware how it all will shape up for me, or what it all will shape me into, but I am hoping that whatever happens is in alignment with my highest self.

Before I close for the day, I want to thank each one of you reading this today, for playing the part you played. My life is a sum of all that I experienced with you, and because of you. Good or not-so-good, I embrace it all and shall make sure it works for being a much wiser and pure being, once I am through with this phase, on the other side of it.

Till then, take care and be good.

Love,

DeepCoachRB

Last few days has been the period of the beginning of yet another phase of churning inside me. And before I go any forward, I must mention that this happens quite frequently with me, and this is one aspect of my life for which I call myself to have been a blessed soul. These periods of something shaking inside, have always led me to become a better version of myself, which has helped me to see life from a very different and newer perspective, thus adding to my experience of life.

Though, I am yet to figure out what it eventually will lead to, but I am definitely experiencing a shift in my views on two major aspects of life. These two being health and money. 

Let me explain my past, or I should say my phasing out state with both these aspects and then I will mention briefly about what is coming into me and is wanting to emerge, as I still am not completely clear about how it will all shape up.

Health for me has always been a priority, but only in my talks and my thoughts. Unfortunately for me, I have not done enough ever, to bring those thoughts into practice, and allow myself the liberty to experience my own transformation. The last few years have been more of a heart level work for me, and what it helps me to acknowledge today is that in all that I somewhere have ignored or taken for granted the physical aspect of my life.

I say ‘for granted’ because despite not being conscious at all, I have been blessed enough to not have caught any major effects of that yet. Yes, there have been instances and some signals, but I have very conveniently ignored them. 

As far as money is concerned, though I have been blessed with enough material pleasure, somehow, I have looked down upon the money aspect of life in the past couple of years. I do not know if I should use my transformation work as the reason for it and being too connected to the spiritual side of life as a cause. 

Actually, no! I think these were just excuses that I found easy to hang-on to, but the reason was lying somewhere else. I won’t get into the details of all this, as that can make it a 10-page blog, but I must mention here that somehow, I always looked at money as something which makes you bound by it. Yes, it allows us to control many more things, but I always believed that at the same time we start to get controlled by it too.

I don’t say yet that it does not have the power to control us, but then something is moving inside me which is asking me to relook at my strong opinions about it. How it be and what it will eventually emerge into, I am not sure.

It is not that I have had any drastic experiences which are forcing me to change my thoughts about these two aspects. In fact, if that was the case, I would not have actually given it much importance because just like those experiences, these reactions are also momentary and do not last long.

But something in me is telling me that its time!

And above everything else what needs to be given sincere effort and attention is the physical health aspect of life. Not only of my own, but of anyone who I come across. I acknowledge my influence and impact on people I get connected to. I know that my thoughts make an impression. And it is this, that I want to make use of in a meaningful way to make health a conscious choice in life.

The second aspect of money, though I am not sure what will develop in me further about it. But I feel that whatever will show up in the coming days, will make money get its rightful space in my life, neither too big nor being unmindfully irrelevant.

I am excited about this period of my newer experiences with health and wealth, and I would be happy to share space with anyone who would want to discuss about these aspects of their own life. Feel free to connect.

Stay Safe! 

Love, DeepCoachRB

The week gone by saw the culmination of a journey, which I had been a witness to for almost the last one and half years. Friday evening was the grand performance of Bharatnatyam by Priyamvada. Who is Priyamvada to me? Well, the answer is a bit difficult, as she has shared the bond of a student, a friend, a daughter, a co-traveler and yes many a times that of a food guide with me.

This Sunday brunch is my dedication to Priyamvada for the person she is growing into to be. I will not exaggerate if I say that given the privileges she is blessed with, it is rare to find someone her age handling herself the way I have seen her to do. And the most divine experience of her for me was this Friday evening. The evening that was of the full moon, but everyone was admiring a star that day in her.

Needless to say, the performance was flawless. And those who understood the nuances of Bharatnatyam as well as those who did not (like me), enjoyed it alike. And now that I have mentioned about my ignorance about the dance form itself, I better shift my focus of today’s brunch to that which I feel blessed to be knowing somethings about. And that is, the about the deeper meaning behind all this.

Me being a life coach and the way I look at life, I, by default get connected to what is the divine message in all that transpired. My attention is caught easily by what is important to be acknowledged and embraced at the core of all that which was appreciated at the surface level.

And the two things which attract my attention in all this are, passion and divinity.

I will speak about both separately, and I hope that reading this will help you to understand the presence or role of these two in your life too.

All the magnificence, the flawlessness, the precision, the dance moves, everything came out the way it did, only and only because of the passion that Priyamvada holds for what she does in it. I have seen her do other activities too, but the biggest differentiator between anything else and taking up Bharatnatyam, is the passion with which she lived it in the last eighteen months or so.

High intensity practice sessions, travelling to various parts of the country for the committed photoshoots, crossing seas for a fifteen-minute performance at a global stage, waking up early (which is very-very unlike Priyamvada) just because there is a commitment to dance, all this looked like a cakewalk, and it was just because of the passion she developed for the art of dancing.

What did passion do? And how can it be recognized easily? Well, the answer lies in one thing. Passion allowed her to do it all for herself. And it could easily be recognized because never even once I saw her saying that I am doing so much, for someone else.

I have seen what timelessness is. I have seen what embracing difficulties is. And I have seen what perseverance means. And all this was just because of the passion that held it all together for her in this case.

Same is the case for each one of us. I am very sure that if we look back at our lives, we can also identify what passion has done to us, in whatever area it made its presence felt (if at all). And if for any reason we are unable to find any such instance, it is time that we start finding what feel passionate about, because three things can help us create marvels and huge success are timelessness, handling difficulties and perseverance. And I saw passion leading to all these three so wonderfully in Priyamvada’s case.

The second thing which I think played a huge role, is that of the divine blessings. I agree that all the magnificence, the flawlessness, the precision, the dance moves, everything had passion behind it. But while all this could be seen by eyes, what was felt by me as well as everyone who was in the audience, a sense of pure bliss. The grace that she displayed. The aura around her. The heavenly look she carried, and the angelic radiance, everything had a huge divine blessing behind all this.

The sincerity and the passion with which she and those connected to the event, did all that such a performance deserved, is what made it all a divine experience. It was a grand welcome for the divine to be present and bless Priyamvada and each of her performance, and it was answered in all its glory.

It all reaffirmed my belief that the whole universe and whatever divine forces that we may have our belief in, it all comes together to bless and appreciate and be seen through the one, who shows dedication, sincerity, and purity towards what one does. It remained true for her, and so it does for each one of us.

I urge you to reflect and see, what possibilities you must invite divinity into your own life and allow for it to be experienced by you as well as others, through what you do. Each one of us will have our own aspirations and wants, and for that which we want for ourselves and not do it for anything external, passion and divinity will surely take their space around us and grace us with success and fulfillment.

I am still living the wonderfulness of the experience I had, and I am sure it will stay with me for quite some time. While I cherish it, I am sure that you will find your own area of passion and will feel the divinity of the creation that happens in that area through you.

Stay Safe!

Love, DeepCoach RB

“Communication works for those, who work at it.” This quote that I came across a few days back, has deepened my relationship with my belief in the power of communication. Those who know me, know how strongly I advocate communication as not only a solution to most of the problems, but even its ability to prevent problems.

And I have had many discussions with people on this for many-many years of my life till now. Some conversations have led to me and others landing on the same page, whereas some others have had people contesting the idea of communication being a solution. And though my belief in the power of communication has grown with every passing day, I must admit that I have also seen situations, where it has not been able to settle things for good as expected.

For situations and places, where it could create its magic, I always thought that it is either about the intent of the people or may be the problem was too strong for it to be handled simply by communicating. And though perception of mine ensured that I keep believing in communication as an asset, it also made me not look at how eve this gap can be closed.

It is when I came across this quote somewhere in the social media, that my eyes and my heart opened to a completely new aspect of it all. I was sitting alone, and reading some stuff, and the first thing I did was to get up and stand in front of the mirror, look in my eyes, and I gave myself a big smile. It was as if, I had found a treasure in these eight words. These eight words, though I still do not know the name of the person who spoke these, made me feel as if I had been given a chance to strengthen my belief further in the power that communication holds.

I understand today that though I am a strong believer of the practice of communication, I must at the same time keep on learning and making myself better at the art of communication. Situations and people, where I have found communication not being effective, are not about those situations and people themselves. What may have lacked is the understanding of the art of communication.

And when I look deeper into this aspect of communication, I find multiple things that can make us more effective at communicating. And this more effective version of ours, makes our communication much more impactful, and enhances the chances of us creating our realities the way we want them to be.

Such is my relationship with this concept of communication, that I have been spending a lot of time lately to understand this art better. And it is this love and belief that I have for it, that has prompted me to share it with you today and made me decide that the next few brunches will cover the various elements that I am discovering to sharpen this art of communication.

My thoughts are still afloat, and I am discovering something or the other about what all can make communication much more potent. But my intent behind sharing this with you today was to activate that part of your brain, which will be most receptive to receive that which I will share in the next few Sunday brunches. You may call it curiosity, or you may call it eagerness. Whatever it is, I am hoping that the upcoming brunches will enhance your belief in communication and will contribute to you creating a fulfilling life for yourself, which is what my intention is behind all this.

And till we connect again through the Sunday Brunch, take care and stay safe.

Love,

DeepCoach RB

I have always been a fan of reflection and introspection. And I consider that as one of the reasons of me having seen all the ups and downs of my life, the way I have eventually been able to see them. I see a wide use of these two words in today’s world. And though I am confident of them being of service even if not completely comprehended as they should be, it also reminds me of the fact that the difference between knowing and understanding makes a huge impact.

This art of self-check is what I made myself to practice, when I encountered a situation last week which I did not expect to be in. Something revealed itself to me, and the very fact that my reaction to that revelation was not what aligns with my core, it warranted for me to get into the self-check mode, once the initial drama phase of the situation was over. By the drama phase I mean, the initial reactions and over-the-top thoughts taking over.

Anyways, the thing to be shared is not about what happened and what all was my initial reaction to it. Instead, the importance of self-check and not mere knowing of it but understanding it in its wholeness is what is significant for today’s brunch.

My practice of self-check made me feel grounded, move away from the immediate impact of the situation, and place myself in a zone where I was more connected to my own core, rather than what revealed itself to me. And it is this act of centering which allowed me then to regain my sanity, get hold of my composure, and be the way which reflects who I truly am, and serves what I truly desire.

Having reflected upon it for almost the last 6 days now, I understood that thankfully through my work I understand what the art of self-check is and how it must be practiced. Because mere knowing of these words, without the right understanding could have led to a little different but equally un-serving response from me.

Two key elements of self-check or reflection or introspection, no matter what word we use for this practice are non-bias and being open to vulnerability.

Non-bias. Without this the very essence of any self-check is lost. In fact, what it can lead to is an even concrete and dangerous level of denial to the actual realities. This practice if not completely unbiased, has a great potential to present as many excuses that may be needed to rationalize things in our own favor, even when that is not the case in actual. And because we have undergone the ritual of self-check, without having understood it completely, the feel-good factor adds to our confidence of being self-aware, and thus close ourselves to any signs of correction from outside.

Even before you get into the self-check mode, as yourself, what all can make you get biased. And the key to know here is that this bias can happen both for and against oneself. I have known both kinds of people, those who do everything possible to blame others, and those who get comfort in the self-blame game. Bias can play a role in enhancing and supporting both the tendencies. Being mindful and putting check to this before getting into self-check will make this practice even more meaningful.

A pre-requisite to being non-biased, is to be ready to be vulnerable. Vulnerability, generally regarding at putting oneself to risk, is about being totally open and receptive. Vulnerability allows us to embrace that which shows up for us during the process of unbiased self-check process. A rightful understanding of the words like reflection and introspection implies that one must be prepared to welcome everything, and anything presents itself, to do justification to the act of self-check. Shielding or guarding ourselves from something will not allow for the self-check process to be as it should be.

Being vulnerable makes sure that the most serving shows up for us, when we commit to self-check, and subsequently allows us to align with that which is our truest and purest version. 

My own belief in the advantages of doing self-check increases every time I undertake this process. And I hope that you will be able to do a check on your own way of reflecting and introspecting, keeping these two elements of un-bias and vulnerability in mind. Accept whatever shows up and do if there are any corrections needed in the way you check on yourself from hereon.

Happy connecting with yourself!

Stay safe.

Love, RB.

Last week saw the culmination of a journey that started almost six months back. A journey which for the first time made me question my readiness for it. A journey which for the first time demanded from me to expand my level of receptivity to newer levels. A journey which had such depths to experience, that till it got completed successfully, I was not sure if I would be able to get through with it or not. This was my journey of becoming a transformational coach.

Yes, the reviews of the work undertaken by me came from my mentor, and his words of acknowledgement designated me as a Deep Coach finally. It was not something which I could believe the very first time, I heard that. Such was the level of my apprehension about my own development, that it took some time for me to sink in.  But yes, finally I was able to smile, and laugh and be grateful to almighty for making me capable enough to complete the learning phase of this journey.

Why I am sharing it with you here today, is because of two reasons. One, obviously I wish to share it with all those who have been a part of this journey of mine, and have wished me well, and in fact believed in me much more than even I did, that I will sail through it. Heartfelt gratitude to each one of you. And the other very important reason is to share my biggest learning, which I feel can bring a change to anyone’s life, once it is understood rightly.

I am talking about the concept of embracing pain in life. One of the concepts I learnt was about enabling transformation by allowing pain to show up. In the vocabulary used during the course, it was called being with the pain. At first, I was not able to understand it completely. Though I always knew myself to not be someone who runs away from pain or labels it as something which is bad. In fact, I always thought of a fulfilled as one which has both the good and the bad, the happy times and the sad times, the fun, and the pain. 

But my understanding of it was limited to having a complete experience of life, and I always thought that pain brings with it certain experiences which help us understand life better. But to look at pain as something is serving, and which is constructive is something I never thought of. And to allow for the pain to stay and do its work, was nowhere close to any level of my conscious thinking at all.

What I learnt, discussed with my batchmates, and eventually experienced during the various deep coaching sessions, I was a part of as a part of my course, is that pain can be useful, and all we need to understand is how to embrace it, allow for it to be present till it wants, and thus creating space for pain to do whatever work it has shown up for.

Being with pain, and embracing it fully with all our heart, helps to unfold those hidden gems of our life, and ourselves, which are otherwise so well protected under the various cushioned layers that they never come to show up, and many of the lives eventually end without having experienced the fulfillment they deserved.

Last six months allowed me to practice holding space for extreme pain. Pain which at times people knew that they were carrying, and many other times showed up when the sacred space was created between myself and the clients during our deep coaching sessions. No matter what kind of pain it was, one thing which it enabled every time it was allowed to show up and not be pushed away, or tried to be cured instantly, was to enable a shift in the client at such a deep level, which neither me as a coach, or the client herself expected or anticipated.

I am very aware that this is such a deep concept, which I cannot speak about completely in this blog today. But despite of having decided about sharing on the same in a series of future podcasts, I found it appropriate to write about it in today’s blog, while sharing my happiness with you. I did not find it odd at all, to give space to happiness and pain in the same platform, and that in yet another example of shift in my perspective about what pain is and how it needs to be looked at and embraced in our lives.

I am sure that the podcasts that follow on this topic of pain will be found worth connecting by you, as and when I share them.

Stay Safe! Take Care!

DeepCoachRB