Author: coachrb

SELF-RESPECT! A concept which I dealt with more than once in the last week that went past. Though nothing specifically related to me, I won’t be wrong if I call it a coincidence, like more than 3-4 individuals who I talked with, this was the main focus area of the interactions.

It was surprising to see that how much this very commonly used term was so easily misunderstood. Or maybe not understood in its totality. And it is this difference in understanding of it, that makes people handle it so differently. Some do it perfectly, some a bit right, and others do it somewhat wrong. What I found common is that a little bit of dilution in its understanding, and the complete meaning of self-respect changes.

I came across people for whom self-respect meant keeping themselves in high regard. These are the kinds who feel that thinking as themselves as always right or superior or right, IS ENOUGH. What others think or speak of them, does not matter. And whenever they are ridiculed or disrespected, they cover themselves with the blanket of self-respect and thus create an artificial shelter from any outside abuse. Though it definitely is good to create a safe zone for oneself, we must remember closing eyes does not mean that what was happening in front of us stopped. Likewise, this self-created shelter has not stopped them from being ridiculed or disrespected or abused. 

What it does instead is that all such unwarranted behaviour increases in strength because we chose to let it remain unaddressed. And eventually, with time, it grows so big that no matter how much we try to shelter ourselves; we fail because of what we allowed that wrong act to grow into. And eventually, when we are unable to shelter ourselves, the outside influence punctures our concept of self-respect and thus shattering our self-belief.

Then there are those other kinds of people for whom self-respect is all about ensuring that others see them an invincible. Which also means that if they can make themselves respected, they feel respectful of themselves too. This is actually the worst scenario because such people base their own self-concept on the foundation of what others think about them. Their only solace is the wishful thinking that, how others look at them is actually controlled by them. Though the reality, most of the times is totally different.

This kind of scenario is often unsustainable because of two reasons. One, because you cannot always keep on controlling what others see you as. It is too much of an ask from your own self to keep on doing for a lifetime. Second, for those who follow your created command for a while, will surely simultaneously be finding an escape route and will vanish at the first chance they get to be away from this forced appreciating business. And once either of this stop, such people find themselves staring at a self-image which is hollow and has to substance to it.

Self-respect in actual is about understanding your true self. It is about knowing and appreciating your strengths as well as acknowledging what still needs to be built or improved upon within you. And once this awareness and acceptance of oneself are achieved, it creates a dual result, which eventually converts into the true concept of self-respect. This duality lies one in, we not basing our own image upon what others think of us, and secondly not even trying to portray an image of us, which must be respectful in the eyes of others.

True self-respect originates from recognizing that we are ourself in the making. And this process will and shall continue till we last. What is important is to accept that while this process of creation and recreation goes on, we will at times find stuff which is perfectly made, and many a time will come across edges that are not well-formed.

I have had my good share of conversations about this in the last seven days, and it was heartening to see that having understood those, appropriate course correction was also done by a few beautiful souls. I wish and hope that we all learn to carry both respect and self-respect on our shoulders and make the best use of these two gems that adorn our personalities.

Love to all! Stay Safe! 

Life! Such an uncomplicated thing in itself, but made into such a difficult puzzle, which needs to be solved by many of us. And the biggest irony of it is that most of us say, ‘NOT ME’ when such a question arises about why we make life so complicated for ourselves?

Last week has been quite eventful as far as my personal life is concerned. I had a rightful mix of happy and not too easy moments. I met a lot of happy and a few sad faces. I had some moments of joy, and somewhere I saw the challenges that life presents. Some friends came closer, and some could not share the warmth. All of this is what made life so interesting.

Interesting! Yes, that is the word which we must always strive to look at our life as. Instead what I see, with many of my clients or even some people that I know in my own life is that they associate the words like good or bad, happy or sad, easy or difficult, as soon it comes to talking or thinking about life. The reality is that life needs to be a mix of all of these words. A life which does not see all of these wonderful experiences can never be called a fulfilled life. And the last thing we can associate with such a living is, is to call it interesting.

In one of my interactions a couple of days back, this is the word which stole the show. It was a new client interaction, and as it is normally the case, we planned to have a generic know-each-other kind of talk before we get to the details of what issues the person might be facing, and what must be done to sail through. To my surprise, the talk lasted just for about twenty-five minutes, and that became eventually the first and the last conversation we had about anything related to a client and coach relationship.

Post five minutes of a generic introduction, the person went straight into sharing some experiences of his, which made him think about the endless troubles he faces in his life. Gave him several thoughts about not having blessed with a good life. Made him sad that he must be journeying through the karma cycle to be not having a smooth life with no ups and downs. And many more such thoughts, jumping up and down in his mind. The best part was that he spoke about one real-life example with everything he mentioned, just because he wanted to make me confident that it is not his imagination, but such things really do happen in his life. 

And the very fact that he quoted all those experiences made me understand that he actually is living such a blessed life. All that he is missing on is the right perspective, as to how to look at it all as. The reason that was making his life seemingly unfortunate for him is what made it fortunate for me to understand his issues better. Issues? No, I think I should call it ‘An Issue’. And that issue was to not be able to look at how interesting his life is.

Those twenty-five minutes had him speaking for about twenty minutes and the remaining time was used by me to just make him leave the tight spot he had placed himself into, and shift to a place where he can look at all the same realities of his but with a different perspective. It is only through this change of perspective that he was able to shift his focus and see how he has developed through all these experiences he has had in life. It all changed from being, difficult, bad, sad, tough to be interesting. And once that shift happens, life becomes a blessing.

The best part of it all was that all those experiences which were making him feel that he had not the best lives, now made him say, that an easier, only good, only happy, and only easy life would not have made him the person he is today. I have met him only once after that, and that too was just a courtesy call to keep connected with an evolved soul, but I could the spark in both his words and in his eyes, living exactly the same life as he always had, but with a shift in perspective.

I am sure if we all take the various phases of life in our stride and strive to seek a life which is interesting rather than being easy, we will see that our true evolution is rooted in a life which has its ups and downs.

It is lifeless that floats! The one which can be drowned eventually can swim through also.

Love to all! Stay Safe!

‘Easier said than done.’ A statement that I receive from several people with whom I share the daily thoughts based on my experience of the previous day. And though I completely understand where this statement comes from, my one standard reply is,” Practice and it becomes easier to do too.”

I do not think that Practice makes us perfect, but my strong belief, which is based on my own life’s experiences is that practice does make us better than before. It is this process of becoming better that we must strive to always keep on. Perfection is just a perceived stage, which loses its sheen as soon as we reach there. Haven’t we experienced those things that we believe will give us ultimate satisfaction, eventually become a milestone for another destination to be reached? 

Do I live a life which is all sorted? Obviously not! 

Don’t I get to face challenges in my life? Almost every day!

Don’t I feel that at times things get a bit difficult to handle? Quite often!

Then how do I say all those things which I speak in my daily thoughts about life? Does it not prove that it is easier to speak than to do? Well! My belief and practice of it tell me that it is all about the way you look at life. A good life will keep throwing surprises at you all the time. At times they will be pleasant, and at times they come in the form of challenges. And that is what keeps life interesting. It about what you decide to do with these gifts of life, which defines how it becomes for you.

In my case, though it has been quite a journey, I experience a stage where, more often than not, I chose to make things easy. It is a persistent endeavour to ensure that life is treated well, and all that it presents is received and acknowledged in its totality with utmost grace.  And it is this very decision, that makes me say that ‘Practice and it becomes easier to do too.”

Making life easy, is by no means, taking life easy. And we must understand that it is actually in trying to take life easy that we make things difficult for us. Life, for its grandeur, demands its rightful share of mindfulness and attention from all of us. And for those who do not heed to its demand, it does get difficult. The best thing in all of this is that the attention that life wants from us does not require us to focus anywhere outside. Life, how we see it happing around us, is nothing but a reflection of what happens inside of us. Taking its easy is when we move away from ourselves and making it easy is when we focus inwards and explore our own hidden gems to make this life a beautiful one.

I relate much to people who find it difficult to do this because that is the path that I have also walked in my life. And the very fact that I could walk past that and start making swift moves to manoeuvre through the course of life makes me confident that everyone else can do it too. All we need is a resolve to ensure that we take charge of our life. And the only way we can take charge is by deciding how we respond internally to whatever happens outside of us.

To all those, who still wonder that if it is possible or not, I just want to say I used to have similar questions arising in mind my mind, and someone through this journey, those questions have been replaced by the many beautiful answers, some of which I have tried to share with you today. Get up and create a life that you wish for yourself.

Love! Stay Safe! 

My experience about the power of our reactions to what happens around us is what surrounded the week gone by. It was this very thought that engulfed my mind and made me reflect deep into further developing my understanding of the same. I realize that it is almost impossible to understand it fully, just for the vastness of the topic, but how much ever time I spend on this, I am growing with it.

The past couple of weeks have been quite a learning curve and presented me with a facet of life that I am not wholly familiar with. It obviously brought its own challenges, as well as demanded my time and attention. And I would be lying if I say that it did not overwhelm me at the start. But then being my natural self, I bounced back, and something in me decided to take charge and handle the situation.

HANDLE THE SITUATION! I think it is this very decision that we make, which helps us makes the difference. In life, if it is a good one, experiences of all different types will keep on happening. Some would be happy ones, and the others will bring challenges with the sole motive of helping us grow and evolve. What we do with such a situation is what eventually defines what we become and what we create out of the life we have got. And the two options that every challenging situation offers us is to either HANDLE THE SITUATION or to allow the situation to MISHANDLE US.

I am sure that most of you reading this would agree that the best option is to handle the situation, rather than allowing it to mishandle us. I also acknowledge and understand, that many might be having a question, ‘What if we are not fully equipped to handle it?’

Well, just like what I experienced, and as I submitted here, the situation I faced recently was also not a familiar one. But once it came forth, I had just two options, either to fight it and become better at it while I fight or allow myself to lose the battle without putting a fight, just because I found myself unarmored. My thought was to not lose without putting a fight. And more than often in life, when we decide to put a fight, when we choose to take charge, when we choose to not be mishandled, we evolve enough to come out of the situation without much damage, if not emerge winners.

A life spent well is not the one that got no highs and lows. The beauty of life lies in the various phases of celebrations and challenges, it passes through. If we just got a life, or we actually lived a life depends on how much we evolve while passing through such different experiences. It is these times of challenge, that help us create the moments of celebrations for ourselves. And it is this feeling of having created good things ourselves, that helps us grow and live a more confident life.

It all starts with an honest reflection and a conscious decision about the kind of life we want for ourselves. And for those who wish to have a life that presents all its beauty(which lies in its ups and downs), it is then a process of growing with every experience. It definitely starts with double the effort, one of handling the situations and second of managing ourselves. But with time, as we evolve, handling ourself becomes a natural process, and that helps us address the problems better than before.

I have experienced this in my life, and I am sure that anyone who lives life this way would agree to the fact that it is the contentment in winning the small battles, that prepares us for winning the war. And in times when we still do not emerge victorious at the end, we know that we won some small battles on the way and are better prepared for the next challenge.

Go out there and strive to reveal a better life. More often than not, it is not something that needs to be created but is lying buried under the challenges, we left unattended.

Love to All! Stay Safe! 

The week gone by has been quite significant for me. Ecstasy, as well as challenges, presented themselves at their supreme level. And eventually, it all came down to me making the choice of immersing myself into either of them. Yes, the challenges did make me feel the weight for a while, but then it was the other side, which is that of ecstasy, strength, calmness and gratitude, that I chose to place myself onto.

For almost every challenge that I face, it is significantly less space to complain that I give myself because I know deep within me that it all comes my way to fulfil my desire for the kind of life, I wish for myself. I always advocate for a life which has both its ups and downs, happy as well as challenging moments. It is this belief about the completeness of life, which makes me come across such experiences every now and then. So yes, though every challenge will need to be taken care of, in the larger scheme of things, I take it all as a blessing.

Every time something like this happens and the way I respond to it, I look around to see what gives me the strength to sail through. And the only answer I get is the blessing I have in the form of people I have in my life. I am not someone who has an endless list of friends and acquaintances, and I am definitely not someone who socializes a lot or focuses on creating a network. But there can be no denying of the fact that people who I am close to are indeed no less than blessings in my life.

In my work, I am blessed to be meeting all different kind of people, who come to me for help in various aspects of their life, and one thing which I always find common is the be it their problem, or the solution, it all lies either within them or is somehow connected to people that they connect with. It is this very experience, which strengthens my belief about the importance of honouring one’s blessings, which come in the form of those who we connect with.

Yes, we do have our differences at times with these close ones too, and it is not everything in them that we may relate to also. The choice is between focusing on that which disconnects or concentrating on the things which we find a connect with. In life, it is so effortless to find faults and move away from people, but the real progress in life is when we acknowledge the uniqueness of all those around us and understand the importance of them being a part of us.

Though relationships and our connection with people is and will always remain a work in progress, what we must not overlook is the value that a presence brings to us. We must remember that as we evolve in our life, everyone else around us also has their life experiences happening, and thus bringing about specific changes in them. Expecting someone to not have changed for good, or expecting someone to stay the same, just because we thought that was their best version, is both wrong and this is where we generally let go these blessings that play a silent and yet important part in our life.

I genuinely believe a life that has a mix of good times and not so good times is the best experience possible. And it all becomes much better if you have people who can celebrate your good times and stand by you in your times of challenge. 

It is a good habit to look around, pause and acknowledge the presence of these gems in your life. Let us bring this as a habit in our life to feel grateful about these blessings and also at times let them know that they are cherished. Remember every word of encouragement and gratitude, helps someone be a better version of themselves, and thus make a positive impact on many more lives.

Live Well! Stay Safe!

Love!

Honesty! A word that engulfed my last week more than anything else. In several conversations last week, it is the honesty which I have always considered as Virtue, that seemed to look like a liability. Not to me, but to those who I interacted with. And because it happened in more than a few instances and with a more than a few people, I am very sure it has something for me to reflect more deeply on and refresh my understanding of it.

Needless to say, I did not have to make a decision to do so, as this was the most natural direction something like this could have taken me to. In my hunger of exploring and understanding the various facets of life, honesty being looked at as a liability could not be ignored. It took my time, my thoughts, and obviously me having a relook at my understanding of honesty as being a virtue.

Loads of thoughts and experiences flashed past in the process. Some of my own life, and some of the experiences that others around me shared with me. I am happy that to do justice to all of it, I was able to look at things from both the sides with complete righteousness. It was a natural instinct to not be biased towards any one aspect. Yes, it took a lot of my energies, but having got a chance to reassess my understanding of this, I loved the experience.

Honesty, to me, always starts with one’s own self. I have always believed that being dishonest to someone else can be easier, but somehow, I have seen many who fool themselves by being untruthful to self. Why do they find it so easy? Well, from what I understand, it is because dishonesty to oneself does not need a cover-up or a false narration. All that you simply need to do is to, shut yourself to the truth. No flowery words, no created stories, no made-up situations are required. All that it takes is to do nothing and just overlook the truth, and you can be dishonest to yourself. 

I realized that it is this effortlessness that makes being dishonest to oneself, so easy and so frequent for a lot of us. And as practice, without doubt, makes us better than ever, we start to master this over time and in due course become a pro at it. 

But then what makes honesty being misunderstood, and at times look like a liability? My understanding about it tell me that honesty can be not taken as a virtue only if it is served and presented where the capacity to accept it is lacking.

I have realized that honesty should be served based on the appetite but should be presented where there is an ability to digest it. 

In the name of being right or having an aspiration to be fair, one can demand to be presented with complete honesty, but unless an ability to digest is developed, it can lead to the truth being treated as a liability. Intent to hear what is honest may be there, but it has to be coupled with an ability to accept the truth and understand it in its totality without bias or any prejudice. 

Honesty or truth cannot be my truth or your truth. Truth is naked, and it just needs to be seen as it is. As and when in life, we develop the ability to digest the fact in its most raw form, we shall feel liberated. And it is this feeling of liberation, that converts honesty from being a liability to become a virtue for us.

I have been practising this in my life, and though it is an ongoing process, we can all take heart from the fact that it does not wait long before it starts to shower us with its goodness. Merits of understanding, accepting and practising honesty can clearly be visible in the way we see life and life looks at us.

Love to all! Stay Safe!

It has been thirty years today. On this very day in 1990, my father passed away at the age of thirty-nine. Indeed, an abrupt end to a life which knew how to live it fully. Needless to say, it would have been totally unexpected for anyone who could understand the gravity of it, to assume that something like that could have happened. But then, that is life! Its most significant truth lies in death.

Anyways, the point of today’s blog is not mourning the death, but to highlight the importance of life and living. I have lived a life which is three times what I was when it all happened at the age of ten. Though I obviously understood what had happened but reflecting back, I know that I was nowhere able to acknowledge the intensity of the situation. Life was about to change forever, and it indeed did.

Though I remember some of the memories of my childhood faintly, it is actually the life that happened post the August of 1990, which I lived consciously and stays with me in my conscious mind always. We were a small family, and life presented its own unique challenges almost every single day for us to sail through. All I have in my remembrances is the grace and courage with which the parent of this family, manoeuvred through, and still does. 

Yes, it is my mother, who silently took charge of playing the role of both a mother as well as a father, as thus provided her children with the necessary shelter, that complete parenthood can give. I am sure that she would have had her own struggles in preparing herself for such a role, and not everything would have come naturally to her to do so. But never even once, I could feel the presence of any such struggle around us. That is the level of grace and grit which my mother displayed in acting as a parent.

I, for the person I am, look at people first as what they are, and then to what relationship I have with them. And though I truly feel that my mother is a great parent, I have always respected her for being a more incredible human being. My love and regard for her comes from the kind of life she has lived, and not merely because she happens to be my mother. I understand that some people might not relate to me on this, but as I said, if this is a flaw, I am happy to be flawed.

What life is, and how it should be lived with complete honesty and sincerity towards one’s own purpose and existence, is what I have learnt in the last 30 years or so. Yes, I have had my own share of challenges, some self-created and some presented to me wrapped like a gift, but that is the kind of life that I feel I am honoured and blessed to have lived till now. It is the experience of having been a part of a family which had it all, before it lost all of it, only to not lose on character and determination, and thus be focused on reconstructing, which makes me feel grateful for all that I have.

I am fortunate that people come to me for assistance in their own lives, and the life that I have experienced, made me understand my calling, and thus I chose to fulfil the purpose of my life by being a helping professional. And my experience, having been into this for quite some time, tells me that somewhere all lives have a natural instinct to make good for themselves. It is in some moments of grief and difficulties that people generally lost direction and thus take decisions which make their lives go in the order that was not desired.

No one is born with a strong character or a soul of substance, it is our very own priorities and actions that we take when faced with challenges, that decide what we eventually create out of our lives. I am a firm believer in the fact that every life has a purpose. All we need is to practice self-awareness of a level, which makes have a rendezvous with ourselves and helps us create pride in the life we live.

It is indeed a day of significance and emotions for me, and it was intentional of my part to not share any experiences that I gain through my interactions with my clients. I decided to speak a bit about my own life, and present to you the importance of determination and simplicity in life. Remember, it is never too late to recreate in life. Half done is still better than never try.

Love to all. Stay Safe!

The above thought was shared by me a couple of days back, and many have asked me to elaborate on the same. My reply to all was to keep patience with me till the SUNDAY BRUNCH comes out, as I would need more than the space of a Whatsapp message to speak more on it.

To start with I would like to thank everyone, who keeps connected and feeds me back either with their perspective or the queries they may have related to whatever I share through my daily thoughts or the weekly SUNDAY BRUNCH. I have always believed that blessed are those who learn from the experience of others. And it is my humble endeavour to share my life experiences, and what I learn from them, so that I may help myself come true to my calling, which is to have a life that contributes.

Coming to the thought in consideration today, what I just wrote above could also have been written as ‘I wish to help others to learn from my experiences and lead their lives better.’ But then what I write is a direct reflection of what and how I think. And because I believe strongly that our actions and what we do, is centric to us and not for others, I could not present my thoughts in any different way.

The very fact that what I share through my experiences of life is helping some people to live better is a matter of their choice. What I am doing here is to practice what I wish to do for myself, to have a fulfilled and contented life. The very essence of my life which has contentment at the core of it will get dissolved if I start to focus on how many and how much, I want to influence someone else’s life and thoughts. Just because everything outside of me is outside of me, I will have a lesser level of control over it. And this very fact will present a challenge for me to achieve.

Though this is just an example which I shared here, in our life also this is the most essential truth. And the sooner we realize and accept that all our actions, and whatever we do, has us at the centre of it all, the better it will be for us and everyone we connect with. It relieves both us as well as others from a massive sense of falsehood that we usually place ourselves in.

We cannot do a more significant disservice to ourselves if we make ourselves believe that our thoughts and what we do are because of something that is outside of us. Yes, some things regularly happen in our outside world, and those do have an impact on us. But eventually, how we respond to them, or in fact if we even chose to respond to them, is ultimately a decision that has its origin deep within of us. The shifting of centricity of our actions happens because either we are good at not being honest with ourselves, or we feel that we are masters in lying to others.

For a feeling like that of love, I have always said that we love because we feel good loving. Love that does not make us feel good is no more love anyways. So, when we do things in love, which may be making the other person happy, even then the root of that is us getting happiness in seeing someone happy. 

Words like adjustments and compromises are generally regarded as having externally centric, but even these when we look at intensely, we will understand that we made a choice. And this choice was what decided for us, in a particular given circumstance. I know that at times none of the options available to us are the happy ones, but even in such scenarios, we do what our innermost tells us is lesser difficult in comparison to the other. And for situations where we chose the more difficult ones, the outcome of that is what we assume would be a better one.

I have had a life where I have very frequently been presented with choices, and what I feel most satisfied with is that for every decision I made, I have been consciously aware and acceptable to the fact that I have placed myself at the centre of all that I do. What makes it so very satisfying is that even when I know that a decision of mine is for the betterment of someone else, I am aware that the DECISION IS MINE. 

I have always guided my clients to become better aware of themselves. Being in charge of their actions and being mindful of the cause of their actions is one of the things I have always aspired to achieve with them. Do they get benefitted? YES! Does that mean, I do it for them? NO! …SO??? I do it for myself, and they do it with me, for themselves! 

A bit of honest reflection into some of our actions will help us better understand this. What I am most sure about is that, when this realization happens, all that we experience is an empowered version of ourselves. Practice, and we shall get better at it!

Love to All! Stay Safe!